This was going to be a blog of three parts. Part 1, the build up to the ball. Part 2, the actual ball itself. Part 3, what happens afterwards i.e. The after ball party, and what happens when you wake up from that. But I did not go to an afterball party, due to lack of voice, not wanting to be hungover for my drama group the next day, and leading on from that one, not wanting to be the only sober person at the party. So this has become a blog of two parts.
So, the day of the ball. Get home, get showered, get shaved and get ready. In that order. After having done all that, in full ball tuxedo, get into the car, and go to your friends house so you can get your limo/car to the ball. This is when it starts to get really exciting, because you have realised that this is actually happening. When everybody has turned up, the limo arrives, and you high five everybody. Well, at least, that is what my group did. So, we climb into the limo and smile like madmen, because it looks amazing. The leather seats, the lights, the drinks glasses, the drinks holders. The driver passes a couple of bottles down the limo. Non-alocoholic, of course, with us being underage, and it being illegal. *cough* But anyway, we have drinks, and as the limo starts to move, we start to pour the drinks. Maybe we could have poured them before the limo was moving, but we were excited and not really thinking about that. I had the honour of pouring the drinks. They make it look very easy in the movies. It is not. The limo going around corners, stopping, starting, and going over bumps in the road made it very hard, but I did it. Of course, we had loud music playing, with a heavy bass line. Not my choice, I hasten to add, but I went with it. So, when we all had our grape juice (that is what it was), we made a toast. To the future. Then we sat back and enjoyed the ride.
When we got to our school, which is where the ball was being held. Yeah, yeah, I know, not terribly fun or exciting to have it at school, but that is not the point. As we got out of the limo, there we people behind barriers cheering. I was quite surprised at the fact so many of the year 10 girls were there, and that they all knew me. I found this odd, yet nice at the same time. We had our pictures taken next to the limo, and then went to mingle with the other people who had already turned up. We were the third group to have turned up, so there wasn't many people to talk to yet. That soon changed as time went on. People were turning up in limos, fancy cars, motorbikes, buses, a boat, tractors, a trolley, and most interestingly of all, a tank. That was quite something. To see a tank rolling up with people from my school in was very impressive. There was lots of noise from everyone, as we all mingled around, the boys in tuxedos and suits, the girls in amazing dresses, looking stunning, waiting for the walk up to begin.
The walk up through the school was amazing. We had a drummer and a bagpipe player (I do not know what you call one of those. A bagpipist? A bagpipper? I do not know) in front of us as we walked past the people on the sides. It was quite something. Walking past lots of people with your date holding your arm. Very nice. As we walked past everybody into the hall, we saw that it had been transformed from the dull, plain usual hall, into an amazingly decorated hall, with all of our year seven pictures playing on a slide show. That bit was very funny. We walked in a spiral to get into our three circles that we would dance in. I was in the inner cicrle. We realise just how many people were in our year at that point. The dancing would be fun, with the girls in long dresses. You can probably guess what happened when we started dancing. Yes, that's right. The dresses got stood on. Not by me, but by the girls wearing the dresses, or the girls next to them. So, we did the waltz, the salsa, the tango and the cha cha cha. Non of these were to hard, but in a small space, and with dresses and tuxedos, they became just that little bit harder. But we went through that without anything going wrong. We clapped, and then the party really started.
We had a DJ, and of course when the music started, we started to jump up and down in time to it. Because, as teenagers, that is pretty much the only way we will dance at parties. Unless it is a rather intimate dance. But at a school ball, and with the tempo of most of the songs, that was not likely to happen. So, everybody was jumping around. And singing at the top of our voices. We did this for the entire night, unless the song was something like YMCA, tha cha cha slide or the Macarena. Because, let's face it, everybody knows actual dance moves to those songs. At some point during this, I went with a group of guys to have our photos taken, single ones and group ones. And behind the photo thing, there was food. After quickly grabbing some food, sticking some strawberrys and marshmellows onto a stick and putting them into a chocolate fountain, and grabbing a lollypop, we went back into the hall, grabbed a drink from outside, and continued with our random jumping and singing. After having done this for a few hours, we got rather warm, so some of the guys and I stepped out to cool down, and remembered that there was a casino in a different part of the school, just for that one night. So we went there, and played roulette and blackjack for a bit, until we decided that we would develop gambling problems if we stayed any longer. We went back into the hall, where a band had started to play. Cue random jumping and singing at the tops of our voices. At some points, the band gave up singing and just played the music, because we were singing the songs ourselves. Lets face it, if you play Livin' On A Prayer by Bon Jovi at a year 11 ball, everybody will know the words, the tune, the timings, and everything, so all you need to do is play in to background. This trend continued with most of the songs, us jumping up and down, singing, and the band just playing.
At the end of the night, balloons were relised from the ceiling, and everybody cheered and started hitting them around and popping them. The DJ came back on the play some more music, and we again started jumping up and down, singing. This was at nearly midnight. People started to leave just before midnight, and there was hugging, and handshakes and general goodbyes. I got a call from my dad at midnight saying he was ready to pick me up. I missed the call three times before I answered it. I could not hear my phone. I made my way outside, after having said goodbye to my friends who I was dancing with. I said goodbye to my friends who were outside, and promised that we would meet up at some point. At that point it really hit me. This is it. I had made it through the years. I realised that I would not see some of my friends again. Or, at least, not as much as I did. I hugged my friends, shook hands with them and walked off to find my dad.
Well, that is that. The end of an era. The end of year 11. It is quite emotional really. I have grown up with these people. I will be seeing most of them next year at sixth form, but the ones that I will not be, I will miss dearly.
Well, until my next blog dear readers, Adios!
Sunday, 22 May 2011
Monday, 16 May 2011
Music
I am sort of continuing from my other blog on music. I really did this as a practise for my English GCSE, but it sounded so good, I thought I would share it with you. Enjoy.
There is a trend developing, and that is to just have people singing over a track which does not consist of any form of music, merely computerised drum and bass. And quite often, the singing is not even singing, just talking very quickly, or making your voice go up and down during words. What has happened to the world that I used to love living in? Where have the singers, the guitarists, the drummers and the people with actual talent gone? Why do people feel that someone using auto tune to sound like a robot is someone with singing talent? It makes no sense. People with real talent are being over looked because the consumer thinks that robotronic voices are "cool" and "hip". People who can sing should be celebrated, not thrown onto the rubbish pile with the people who have had their time. It is in fact, the people who steal the limelight from these talented people that deserve to be thrown onto the pile of rejected wannabes. I know many people who are talented, and who get over looked because of these rappers and auto tune using people. If you want to hear real music, and see real performers, then look at the people who do not get recognised. And when these people do get a break, their fan base is not nearly the size it should be. People with talent need to be seen as gifted, because they are. With so many talented people out there, we should have no trouble filling the charts with them, and ousting the people who use auto tune to make money. Talented people are underneath our very noses, all we have to do is wake up and smell the talent that they have. I have some advice for you, go online, see if any smaller, local bands are playing anywhere near you soon, and go along to it. You will then see just how talented people really are, and how they, unfortunately, get overlooked by this throw away culture. This is a throw away culture. The current music that is listened to is not built to last, and raw talent will last forever. It will be listened to for generations. And it will never be forgotten by the people who witnessed the beginning of the group. The current "stars", no one knows where they came from, they just appeared. With proper musical groups, they start of small, and grow and grow until the take over the world. This is what should happen. Not these throw away artists, we want properly talented people, who play proper music. The music that these people create will last forever, and will not blend into the background. As I said earlier, I still listen to older music, not only because it is good, but also because it is time less. As Bob Dylan once said "The times they are a changing", but they should change for the better, and not spiral downward into decay, which is happening with these auto tuned artists. Now, not all of you who read this article will agree with my views on the matter, but I hope that I have convinced at least a small minority of you into listening to proper music, with real people. Thank you for listening.
There is a trend developing, and that is to just have people singing over a track which does not consist of any form of music, merely computerised drum and bass. And quite often, the singing is not even singing, just talking very quickly, or making your voice go up and down during words. What has happened to the world that I used to love living in? Where have the singers, the guitarists, the drummers and the people with actual talent gone? Why do people feel that someone using auto tune to sound like a robot is someone with singing talent? It makes no sense. People with real talent are being over looked because the consumer thinks that robotronic voices are "cool" and "hip". People who can sing should be celebrated, not thrown onto the rubbish pile with the people who have had their time. It is in fact, the people who steal the limelight from these talented people that deserve to be thrown onto the pile of rejected wannabes. I know many people who are talented, and who get over looked because of these rappers and auto tune using people. If you want to hear real music, and see real performers, then look at the people who do not get recognised. And when these people do get a break, their fan base is not nearly the size it should be. People with talent need to be seen as gifted, because they are. With so many talented people out there, we should have no trouble filling the charts with them, and ousting the people who use auto tune to make money. Talented people are underneath our very noses, all we have to do is wake up and smell the talent that they have. I have some advice for you, go online, see if any smaller, local bands are playing anywhere near you soon, and go along to it. You will then see just how talented people really are, and how they, unfortunately, get overlooked by this throw away culture. This is a throw away culture. The current music that is listened to is not built to last, and raw talent will last forever. It will be listened to for generations. And it will never be forgotten by the people who witnessed the beginning of the group. The current "stars", no one knows where they came from, they just appeared. With proper musical groups, they start of small, and grow and grow until the take over the world. This is what should happen. Not these throw away artists, we want properly talented people, who play proper music. The music that these people create will last forever, and will not blend into the background. As I said earlier, I still listen to older music, not only because it is good, but also because it is time less. As Bob Dylan once said "The times they are a changing", but they should change for the better, and not spiral downward into decay, which is happening with these auto tuned artists. Now, not all of you who read this article will agree with my views on the matter, but I hope that I have convinced at least a small minority of you into listening to proper music, with real people. Thank you for listening.
Thursday, 28 April 2011
Hello again.
You didn't think I was just going to leave did you? I will be blogging for a while longer, so you'll have to put up with me for even longer. I don't know what I'll blog about, but I am sure I will find something to entertain you. So, until my next blog, adios. This is not for long dear readers.
Tuesday, 26 April 2011
Goodbye.
Basically, I am not going to be writing any more blogs ever again, because I am shit at saying things without hurting people. I am sorry to everybody who I have insulted, hurt, or otherwise generally been offensive to in these blogs. So, for now and forever, goodbye.
Thursday, 21 April 2011
Worry and/or Stress
Everybody worries about things. Everybody gets stressed about things. I'm going to talk about that today. I say talk, I mean ramble and get off subject. Here we go:
There are many things that cause stress and worry. In an average teenagers life, the things that cause most stress are the dreaded exams, and worrying about what everyone thinks of them. Especially members if the opposite sex that they quite like. Of course, these are only two things that cause stress. There are an infinite number of things that can cause stress. Trouble at home, trouble at school, friends troubles, trouble with friends, falling out with friends, not being able to do something, etc. What I am trying to say is that almost everything causes some form stress and worry.
Different people deal with the stress in different ways. Some people keep it all bottled up inside, some people explode with emotion, some people break down, some people stay strong and keep going, some people keep doing the same things over and over until it is right. Everybody deals with it differently. I personally put my headphones in, turn up my music, and ignore what is going on around me. Then, I will log on to MSN or text someone, and talk it out with them. I often feel the need to do this, perhaps it is just part of being a teenager, perhaps it is just me. I do not think that it is only me though.
Occasionally, somebody will cause you unnecessary amounts of stress. I.e. When they send you a rather concerning text. My girlfriend almost did this to me the other day. She apparently was going to send me a text saying that she was pregnant. That would have been extremely concerning for me, because it would definitely not have been my baby. And my girlfriend would be pregnant. Fortunately, she did not send this text. If she had, I would have broken down. Quite literally. My brain would not have functioned for the rest of the day. Also, it was on April Fools day, so I would (hopefully) have realised that it was a joke. I would like to now confirm that my girlfriend is NOT pregnant.
Anyway, that did not really go with most of the rest of the blog. So, another thing that can cause stress is revision. Purely because it makes you think that you might not know the stuff you need to know. And if you do a lot of it, which I do, it gets on your nerves, which makes you stressy. Of course, someone will make a stupid comment about something trivial, and you will get annoyed about it. It is a cruel cycle of stress and things that cause stress.
This is going to be a shorter blog than usual, because I'm spending most of my time doing revision, and getting stressed. I will see you all later when I hopefully remember to write about my year 11 ball. Until then, adios mi amigos!
There are many things that cause stress and worry. In an average teenagers life, the things that cause most stress are the dreaded exams, and worrying about what everyone thinks of them. Especially members if the opposite sex that they quite like. Of course, these are only two things that cause stress. There are an infinite number of things that can cause stress. Trouble at home, trouble at school, friends troubles, trouble with friends, falling out with friends, not being able to do something, etc. What I am trying to say is that almost everything causes some form stress and worry.
Different people deal with the stress in different ways. Some people keep it all bottled up inside, some people explode with emotion, some people break down, some people stay strong and keep going, some people keep doing the same things over and over until it is right. Everybody deals with it differently. I personally put my headphones in, turn up my music, and ignore what is going on around me. Then, I will log on to MSN or text someone, and talk it out with them. I often feel the need to do this, perhaps it is just part of being a teenager, perhaps it is just me. I do not think that it is only me though.
Occasionally, somebody will cause you unnecessary amounts of stress. I.e. When they send you a rather concerning text. My girlfriend almost did this to me the other day. She apparently was going to send me a text saying that she was pregnant. That would have been extremely concerning for me, because it would definitely not have been my baby. And my girlfriend would be pregnant. Fortunately, she did not send this text. If she had, I would have broken down. Quite literally. My brain would not have functioned for the rest of the day. Also, it was on April Fools day, so I would (hopefully) have realised that it was a joke. I would like to now confirm that my girlfriend is NOT pregnant.
Anyway, that did not really go with most of the rest of the blog. So, another thing that can cause stress is revision. Purely because it makes you think that you might not know the stuff you need to know. And if you do a lot of it, which I do, it gets on your nerves, which makes you stressy. Of course, someone will make a stupid comment about something trivial, and you will get annoyed about it. It is a cruel cycle of stress and things that cause stress.
This is going to be a shorter blog than usual, because I'm spending most of my time doing revision, and getting stressed. I will see you all later when I hopefully remember to write about my year 11 ball. Until then, adios mi amigos!
Monday, 21 March 2011
Year 11 Ball (part 1)
This is going to be a blog of three parts. Part 1, the build up to the ball. Part 2, the actual ball itself. Part 3, what happens afterwards i.e. The after ball party, and what happens when you wake up from that.
So, this is part 1. The build up. Basicaly when everyone try's to get dates, and all the girls try to find the one dress that nobody else will have. For guys, however, it is easy, clotheswise, because it is standard tuxedo time. It must be rented. Those things are not cheap. And I have one now, and it is pretty snazzy. Black trousers, white shirt, mint green waist coat, green bow tie, black jacket and shiney black shoes. Fairly standard, but hell, I look good in it. Wow, I'm modest as well. Right, now I guess I had better tackle the girls ball dresses. Ok, so I actually have no idea about them, but oh well. I have figured that every dress must be different, and if they are the same, virtually all hell breaks loose, unless they are like best friends, and even then, it does not end too well. But I have aboustly no understanding of this, so please, do not, whatever you do, quote me on that. And then, after having sorted out what you are wearing to the main event, you have to sort out how you are getting there, and who with. The simple way of getting to it is by the stretched limo. Boring, because everyone does it, yet, it is a pretty good way of getting there. And it is easy. The hard bit is sorting out who's coming in the limo, and then figuring out what it will cost everyone to rent it. It gets confusing, because people seem to be unwilling to even go to the ball, which I do question. I mean, why are you not going? It is a laugh, and it is good fun, and if you try and say "I'm not going because I've got no one to go with" that is complete and utter bollocks. You do not need to actually go with someone, you can go with a group of friends. So just go. Right, now that is out of my system, I shall continue.
And then comes the single, hardest part of the pre-ball build up, for guys anyway, is asking a girl to the ball. It is one of the hardest things in the world for a guy to do, asking a girl to dance, due to the fear of rejection. It is made even more awkward by not knowing if the girl you are about to ask is already going with another guy, or if she is just going with a group of friends. All these factors result in guys having serious problems in asking girls to the ball. This is perhaps why some of my friends are currently date less. I cannot talk though, seeing as I, at the time of writing this blog, do not have a date for the ball. But I, in all honesty, as nice as the girls are in my year, I would much rather be able to take my girlfriend. But unfortunatly, we must either take a girl from our year, or go without anyone. But, hi ho, silver lining (yes, that is a Jeff Beck lyric for those who got that) it means that you either go with a bunch of friends, or, if single, you might end the night having a girlfriend. I'm not saying that is going to happen, but still there is a chance. Or if, like me, you have a girlfriend, but you are not allowed to take her for whatever reason, and you do take another girl (please for god's sake, let your girlfriend know that it is ONLY for the ball), it is just a chance to have a nice chat to members of the other sex. But anyhow, seeing as I have no date, writing this on the 21st of march, so this is correct as of the time of writing. Although, I may actually have a date by the time of the ball, watch this space. Anyway, that is my take on the build up to the ball. This blog post may well be updated closer to the date of my ball, 20th of may. So, I may well be talking, or rambling, before my next promised blog. Until then, Adios mis amigos!
So, this is part 1. The build up. Basicaly when everyone try's to get dates, and all the girls try to find the one dress that nobody else will have. For guys, however, it is easy, clotheswise, because it is standard tuxedo time. It must be rented. Those things are not cheap. And I have one now, and it is pretty snazzy. Black trousers, white shirt, mint green waist coat, green bow tie, black jacket and shiney black shoes. Fairly standard, but hell, I look good in it. Wow, I'm modest as well. Right, now I guess I had better tackle the girls ball dresses. Ok, so I actually have no idea about them, but oh well. I have figured that every dress must be different, and if they are the same, virtually all hell breaks loose, unless they are like best friends, and even then, it does not end too well. But I have aboustly no understanding of this, so please, do not, whatever you do, quote me on that. And then, after having sorted out what you are wearing to the main event, you have to sort out how you are getting there, and who with. The simple way of getting to it is by the stretched limo. Boring, because everyone does it, yet, it is a pretty good way of getting there. And it is easy. The hard bit is sorting out who's coming in the limo, and then figuring out what it will cost everyone to rent it. It gets confusing, because people seem to be unwilling to even go to the ball, which I do question. I mean, why are you not going? It is a laugh, and it is good fun, and if you try and say "I'm not going because I've got no one to go with" that is complete and utter bollocks. You do not need to actually go with someone, you can go with a group of friends. So just go. Right, now that is out of my system, I shall continue.
And then comes the single, hardest part of the pre-ball build up, for guys anyway, is asking a girl to the ball. It is one of the hardest things in the world for a guy to do, asking a girl to dance, due to the fear of rejection. It is made even more awkward by not knowing if the girl you are about to ask is already going with another guy, or if she is just going with a group of friends. All these factors result in guys having serious problems in asking girls to the ball. This is perhaps why some of my friends are currently date less. I cannot talk though, seeing as I, at the time of writing this blog, do not have a date for the ball. But I, in all honesty, as nice as the girls are in my year, I would much rather be able to take my girlfriend. But unfortunatly, we must either take a girl from our year, or go without anyone. But, hi ho, silver lining (yes, that is a Jeff Beck lyric for those who got that) it means that you either go with a bunch of friends, or, if single, you might end the night having a girlfriend. I'm not saying that is going to happen, but still there is a chance. Or if, like me, you have a girlfriend, but you are not allowed to take her for whatever reason, and you do take another girl (please for god's sake, let your girlfriend know that it is ONLY for the ball), it is just a chance to have a nice chat to members of the other sex. But anyhow, seeing as I have no date, writing this on the 21st of march, so this is correct as of the time of writing. Although, I may actually have a date by the time of the ball, watch this space. Anyway, that is my take on the build up to the ball. This blog post may well be updated closer to the date of my ball, 20th of may. So, I may well be talking, or rambling, before my next promised blog. Until then, Adios mis amigos!
Thursday, 3 March 2011
Relationships
I am probably not the best person to be writing about this, having not had the most relationships ever, and by that, I mean one. But I am going to write this blog, so sit there and take the complete rubbish I am probably about to write.
So, I am currently in a relationship, with a girl I love very deeply, and I cannot stop thinking about her, which I guess is normal, and right. And of course, I think that she is funny, clever, caring and beautiful, but she disagrees, and I do not understand why. Maybe it is just a female thing, that girls do not like boys giving them compliments. And I do compliment her, a lot. Too much if you ask her, but surely it is better that I tell her that she is beautiful, funny, clever, etc. as often as I can, because compliments are good right?
But anyway, I was talking to my very beautiful girlfriend, who will probably read this, and get a little annoyed with me for writing this, but there we go, and we somehow got on to me needing to prove myself to her, to which she replied that I didn't need to prove myself, and that I was perfect, which I am really not. I always make stupid comments, which usually end badly, and I am not the best person in the world when it comes to doing things right. And she says that she is the one who needs to prove herself, which she really does not, show I say that she is funny, clever, caring and beautiful, which is why I love her. I tell her that she does not need to prove anything.
The real reason I feel that I need to prove myself is because, like I said above, I am always doing things wrong, whether it be saying things or doing things. I also wonder to myself "why did she pick me? She is so amazing, she could have had any guy in the world, but she picked me. What makes me so special?" I know that I am nothing amazing, we both do drama, dancing and singing, and I am not the best actor in our company, I am not one of the better dancers, and I am probably the worst singer in the group. Whereas she is an amazing dancer, a very good actor, and can sing as well. I am left wondering, what did I do to deserve her? I am not the best looking guy, not the fittest, not the funniest, not the smartest, and sometimes one of the most insensitive people ever. Whilst my girlfriend is dancing her socks of amazingly, doing a very impressive dance, and making it look easy, I am struggling to do the simple moves, and I look like I am struggling. And when we are singing, I have pretty much been banned from doing solos, due to the fact that I am apparently "not confident enough", in fairness, I know I am not amazing, but a little support would be nice, so that I could build up my confidence. But my beautiful, amazing girlfriend has gotten a big part in our next show, and sings a lot in it, whilst I have been stuck with a load of smaller roles, some of which were meant to sing solos, but that idea was scrapped, because I do not have the confidence, or because I just can't sing. But, hey-ho, I thought I would go with it, because I know I am not the best singer. But, it does make me wonder again, why pick me, I'm not anything special, in fact, I'm a bit of a nobody. I don't have any stand out qualities, I don't do anything amazingly well to get myself noticed, I am just a bit dull. Whilst she is out there, being interesting, I feel that I am just plain boring, that I shouldn't speak, because when I do, I make stupid comments.
And then, there is the age thing. I have only just turned sixteen, whilst she is seventeen. My friends have made jokes about me just being a toy-boy, which did kind of hurt, I admit. But they have made me think, and it isn't good, because I then get all paranoid and go into a bad cycle of thoughts, and start doubting myself. I know that most if the time guys go for girls there own age, or younger in some cases, but it doesn't feel, to me, that our age gap is that much. I know that it is about fifteen months, but it doesn't seem to make a difference. And, with her being older then me, I get rather stupid comments made about sex. To me a relationship shouldn't just be based on that, it should be based on love, understanding, and a desire to be together. I find it rather annoying how all of my friends, most of whom are single, I would like to add, are all making comments about me having sex with my girlfriend, which, I would like to add at this moment in time, has NOT happened, and of course, they are trying to make me feel somehow inferior for not having had sex, which none of them can really comment on. If you don't mind, I will do it when the time is right, with the right person.
I unfortunatly often end up thinking about why she picked me, seeing as I am nothing special, although, as my non-biological sister tells me, she picked me for me, and I know I should be happy for that, but sometimes I think that I am not a very good boyfriend. I don't always know what to say or do, I don't know much, I don't know how to write beautiful poetry, I don't know how to sing a love song, I don't know how to play the guitar, but one thing I do know is that I love her, and I will always love her. So I guess that is what it really comes down to, love. I am not perfect, but she seems to think so, so I guess that, in someways, I am. And I know that she is perfect, although she disagrees with me, but then, we must agree to disagree.
So there you go, my complete and utter crap of a blog about relationships. In fact, what I basically just did was talk about my own relationship, and what happens. So this blog really didn't stick to the title, but that happens with everyone of my blogs. So there we go, that's it. Jamie over and out.
So, I am currently in a relationship, with a girl I love very deeply, and I cannot stop thinking about her, which I guess is normal, and right. And of course, I think that she is funny, clever, caring and beautiful, but she disagrees, and I do not understand why. Maybe it is just a female thing, that girls do not like boys giving them compliments. And I do compliment her, a lot. Too much if you ask her, but surely it is better that I tell her that she is beautiful, funny, clever, etc. as often as I can, because compliments are good right?
But anyway, I was talking to my very beautiful girlfriend, who will probably read this, and get a little annoyed with me for writing this, but there we go, and we somehow got on to me needing to prove myself to her, to which she replied that I didn't need to prove myself, and that I was perfect, which I am really not. I always make stupid comments, which usually end badly, and I am not the best person in the world when it comes to doing things right. And she says that she is the one who needs to prove herself, which she really does not, show I say that she is funny, clever, caring and beautiful, which is why I love her. I tell her that she does not need to prove anything.
The real reason I feel that I need to prove myself is because, like I said above, I am always doing things wrong, whether it be saying things or doing things. I also wonder to myself "why did she pick me? She is so amazing, she could have had any guy in the world, but she picked me. What makes me so special?" I know that I am nothing amazing, we both do drama, dancing and singing, and I am not the best actor in our company, I am not one of the better dancers, and I am probably the worst singer in the group. Whereas she is an amazing dancer, a very good actor, and can sing as well. I am left wondering, what did I do to deserve her? I am not the best looking guy, not the fittest, not the funniest, not the smartest, and sometimes one of the most insensitive people ever. Whilst my girlfriend is dancing her socks of amazingly, doing a very impressive dance, and making it look easy, I am struggling to do the simple moves, and I look like I am struggling. And when we are singing, I have pretty much been banned from doing solos, due to the fact that I am apparently "not confident enough", in fairness, I know I am not amazing, but a little support would be nice, so that I could build up my confidence. But my beautiful, amazing girlfriend has gotten a big part in our next show, and sings a lot in it, whilst I have been stuck with a load of smaller roles, some of which were meant to sing solos, but that idea was scrapped, because I do not have the confidence, or because I just can't sing. But, hey-ho, I thought I would go with it, because I know I am not the best singer. But, it does make me wonder again, why pick me, I'm not anything special, in fact, I'm a bit of a nobody. I don't have any stand out qualities, I don't do anything amazingly well to get myself noticed, I am just a bit dull. Whilst she is out there, being interesting, I feel that I am just plain boring, that I shouldn't speak, because when I do, I make stupid comments.
And then, there is the age thing. I have only just turned sixteen, whilst she is seventeen. My friends have made jokes about me just being a toy-boy, which did kind of hurt, I admit. But they have made me think, and it isn't good, because I then get all paranoid and go into a bad cycle of thoughts, and start doubting myself. I know that most if the time guys go for girls there own age, or younger in some cases, but it doesn't feel, to me, that our age gap is that much. I know that it is about fifteen months, but it doesn't seem to make a difference. And, with her being older then me, I get rather stupid comments made about sex. To me a relationship shouldn't just be based on that, it should be based on love, understanding, and a desire to be together. I find it rather annoying how all of my friends, most of whom are single, I would like to add, are all making comments about me having sex with my girlfriend, which, I would like to add at this moment in time, has NOT happened, and of course, they are trying to make me feel somehow inferior for not having had sex, which none of them can really comment on. If you don't mind, I will do it when the time is right, with the right person.
I unfortunatly often end up thinking about why she picked me, seeing as I am nothing special, although, as my non-biological sister tells me, she picked me for me, and I know I should be happy for that, but sometimes I think that I am not a very good boyfriend. I don't always know what to say or do, I don't know much, I don't know how to write beautiful poetry, I don't know how to sing a love song, I don't know how to play the guitar, but one thing I do know is that I love her, and I will always love her. So I guess that is what it really comes down to, love. I am not perfect, but she seems to think so, so I guess that, in someways, I am. And I know that she is perfect, although she disagrees with me, but then, we must agree to disagree.
So there you go, my complete and utter crap of a blog about relationships. In fact, what I basically just did was talk about my own relationship, and what happens. So this blog really didn't stick to the title, but that happens with everyone of my blogs. So there we go, that's it. Jamie over and out.
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