Social Awkwardness

Right, so here is the thing. I am useless when it comes to using words to express how I feel. Every time I want to say something about my feelings, I have to spend ages thinking of the words I want to use. I cannot express myself properly. I write song lyrics a lot, as you may have seen. I have posted two songs onto here. In my opinion they are the only ones that aren't incredibly depressing or are half decent. In fact, one of the songs I posted is rather depressing and worrying. The rest of my songs are very depressing and/or are terribly written and shall never been seen by another human being. There is a reason why I spend so much time on them, it unfortunately does not seem to be to make the lyrics any good. All of my lyrics are depressing (excluding perhaps two songs). They nearly all involve breaking up with someone and the feeling of regret and not being good enough. Apart from one, which is about 'moving on'. In my head, it was meant to be about moving on. In the end it turned into yet another song about how I am not good enough and how this person (who shall remain nameless) will be better off now. I try to write happy songs about love and friendship and other happy things, but I cannot do it. When I try, the words just sound terrible and fake.

Another aspect of my struggling with words comes into real life. Or, at least, when I am trying to talk via text/msn/twitter etc. I have to think about everything I say. I struggle to be able to just talk. I am so socially awkward that I can hardly talk even when I am not face to face with someone. Some people it is easier to talk to than others. Other people I am there struggling to say something that they will not be offended by. I am always too scared to say things because I feel like I will scare people away from me. I try to stay friends with people and not to freak them out with my general insanity. I have real trouble explaining how I feel, even to those I am closest too. The ones who I should be easily able to tell how I feel. I cannot explain myself properly. I wish I could explain how I feel to people. I wish I could tell people how I feel about them. How I feel about myself. Anything.

That is only when I am not talking face to face. When I talk face to face I am so utterly useless, it is a miracle anyone ever wants to talk to me. I cannot communicate properly with people in real life. If I am with someone and they introduce me to someone I have never met, I will say hello and then be quite the whole rest of the time they talk. I find it impossible to hold a conversation. There are few people I can talk to for a decent length of time. I just am so socially awkward that I cannot say hello if I see someone I know unless they talk to me first. I cannot start a conversation. I just feel like I am intruding and interrupting their lives. My self worth is so low that I do not see why anyone would want to talk to me.

Another thing that is effects is my trying to get anything from a shop. I always feel bad as if I am putting the person at the counter out by buying something. I cannot look them in the face. I feel like I have made them do something they would not have had to do otherwise. If I cannot find something in a shop, I will not ask where it is, I will just not get it.

I never leave the house without my headphones or my hat. I feel like if I have them, people are not likely to judge me or try and verbally abuse me, like at sixth form. At sixth form I always have my hat on and headphones in. I figure that if I cannot hear them, then they are not saying anything. My hat provides me with something to hide under. People see the hat, not me. It saves me from everyone noticing me. I feel safe with my hat. It is a defence thing. I cannot explain it, but I will not leave the house without my hat and headphones. Music is my way of escaping from the world. If I have music playing, I feel so much better, because it keeps me calm. If I did not have music, I would go insane. I would have to deal with everything the world has to throw at me. Music keeps it all at bay, at least for a little while.

Now, I know that this seems very much like a typical teenage blog. That would be because it is. Unfortunatly, it is how I am. I wish I could change myself, but I cannot. I cannot do anything about this. I do not work well in social situations. That is all. Goodbye for now.

About me part 2.

So this is an updated version of my 'About me' post. A fair bit has changed since I wrote the other post. If you want to see this post, click this link: http://thehappeningsofhart.blogspot.com/2011/06/about-me.html

1) I am nearly always on Twitter.
2) I prefer people on twitter to people in real life.
3) I do not like my 'friends' at school.
4) I am not going to go into the details about that here.
5) I nearly always have music playing.
6) I am really struggling with sixth form.
7) I am taking biology, chemistry and maths.
8) I had to drop drama in an attempt to keep up with my other subjects.
9) I wish I had chosen a different life path.
10) I would prefer to be doing something musical/theatrical.
11) I am still part of the same drama club. And I still love it.
12) I don't feel like I fit in at sixth form.
13) The people there don't give me any respect.
14) This is why I do not like them. Which kind of makes point 4 invalid.
15) I seem to be unable of logical thought.
16) I have a constant monologue going in my brain.
17) I am a bit odd.
18) I am still interested in fashion.
19) I am not gay. I know someone assumed that.
20) Most of the people at school think I am gay.
21) I am trying to become a better person.
22) I still dance and act.
23) I still love singing.
24) I still can't do solos.
25) My solos are limited to my bedroom.
26) I am currently working on choreographing a dance to Remembering Sunday by All Time Low.
27) Remembering Sunday is one of my favourite songs.
28) If I were to sing a solo, it would probably be Crash by You Me At Six.
29) My favourite bands are You Me At Six, All Time Low, Paramore, Bon Jovi and Nirvana.
30) I am not stupid, I know Nirvana are no long around.
31) I think that anyone who thinks Nirvana are still producing albums is an idiot.
32) People seem to think that I am good looking.
33) I disagree.
34) I hate racism, homophobia, sexism, and the word 'retard'
35) I get very offended when people at school are racist/homophobic/sexist or use the word 'retard'
36) I've asked them to stop, but they will not listen to me.
37) I have given up with trying to get them to listen to me.
38) I am no longer an atheist.
39) In fact, I now believe in God and Christianity.
40) I get annoyed when people insult Christians.
41) I need to get out more.
42) I never have enough money.
43) I do not think that I am very interesting.
44) Others disagree with me. I don't know why.
45) I keep a diary. It is just a place for me to write things I don't ever want anyone else to see.
46) I love my girlfriend.


Let me know what you think about all of this.

Until next time, adios mi amigos!

My Self Doubt

Again, it's been about a month since I last posted anything, for which I am sorry. Well, here is my newest post. It's basically about why I am not an interesting person. It's about my self doubt. You will see as this blog goes on what it is really about.
Basically, I do not think I am a very interesting person. I am not talented, good looking, smart, funny or anything. I do not think I have even been interesting. I do not think that I am talented, good looking, smart or funny, despite what people say. I do not see what others see in me. I know that it sounds like I am attention seeking, but I am really not. I actually feel this way about myself. I do not like myself.

And then there is my self doubt. I always doubt myself when it comes to everything. I doubt my intelligence, I doubt my choices, I doubt everything. It affects everything. It causes me to get depressed. It causes me to think about myself. Which leads to more depression. It always ends badly for me. I always over think everything. It is the reason for me ending up loosing friends. I always doubt myself in relationships. I never think that I am good enough. I always think that I am second choice to anyone and everyone. I think that everyone and everything is better than me. I do not know why I feel like this, but I do. I wish I felt more positively about myself, but unfortunatly, I do not.

I would like to point out that I am not attention seeking, I do feel this way about myself. This is really just a way of me venting my self doubt and loathing so that it is not all pent up inside me. Sorry if I depress you, but if I do, do not read this blog post.

Goodbye for now.

Love And Hate

Love and hate is a very big topic, so I probably will not cover all of it. This is just going to be about smaller parts of it. I will try to not sound like a hippy.

Hate.

There is a lot of hate in the world. There is too much hate in the world. There are always wars, fights, arguments, break ups and shouting matches going on. There is always bullying, teasing, swearing and violence happening. There is never any need for this. The wars, fights and arguments can always be avoided. The bullying and teasing is never called for. There is never a need for violence. There is an old saying, that "violence is never the answer." This is true. It never is the answer. If all the violence stopped, the world would be a better place. People would live longer and be happier.

Bullying comes in loads of forms. Verbal, physical, mental etc. This is just people picking on others because they are different. It is wrong. If someone is different, it is a good thing. It means they are their own person. If everyone was the same, the world would be a very boring place. I believe it takes all types of people to make the world function. But unfortunately, some people do not agree with me. Most of the time in school, bullying happens because someone wears something different, likes something different, looks different. There is nothing wrong with being different. Difference is an amazing thing. Being different is what makes you you. It makes you human. If someone picks on you because of that, then they are a terrible person. More often than not, the people doing the bullying are picking on someone because they feel insecure about themselves. Perhaps because they have been bullied also. I do not understand why people bully others. I think that if everyone was kind to everyone and accepted everyone for who they are, the world would be a better place.

Wars are often caused by religion. If someone believes in something different, let them. It will not hurt you. Everyone believes in something. So what if someone believes something different? It makes no difference to anyone. Again, everyone is different. There is nothing wrong with it.

Love.

Love. Love is the thing that makes life worth living. It is the thing that makes the world go round. Without love, the world would be a very dark and dangerous place. Love is the best thing in the world. If everyone would show a little love, everyone would feel better. Love makes you feel good. It makes you believe in everything. Without love, life just would not be worth the fight. Bon Jovi once said "What do you got if you ain't got love? Whatever you got it just ain't enough." They were right. If you do not have love, what you have is not enough. Everybody needs love.

There are a lot of types of love. Paternal, maternal, romantic, homosexual, heterosexual, unrequited, eternal, reciprocal. The love for your family, the love for your partner, the love for someone, anyone. Never dying love. Returned love. Love is an amazing thing. It knows no boundaries. It is unstoppable. It is all conquering. It is an unstoppable force. It never dies.

When the planes hit the Twin Towers, the calls from the people inside were not ones of hate. They were ones of love. In our times of need, love is always there, just waiting to be found. When you do find it, you want to shout about it. You want the world to know that love does exist. You feel like shouting from the rooftops.

I think that if you look hard enough, you will find that love actually does exist.

Thank You

This isn't one of my usual blog posts where I ramble on about nothing. This is a blog post that means something. This is a blog post for everyone who has read this blog since I started. It is, quite simply, a thank you.

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has read my blog, everyone who has inspired me to write, who has spoken to me when I was down, who has raised me up when I thought I could never be happy again. It's been a busy few months since I last blogged. Lots of things have changed. Lots of things have happened. Quite simply, in a way, I have changed. I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has been there for me. There are too many people I could mention here, saying how they have helped me, what they mean to me. If you are reading this, you know if you are one of those people. If you are reading this and are not one of those people, in a way you are. That is because you have probably read my blog before now. Which, by the way, has had over one thousand views. Which is one reason why I am writing this.

But, other than my blog being read a lot of times, I just felt that I should say thank you to everyone who has helped me these last few months. There is not really a way to say this properly, so I will just say, thank you, from the bottom of my heart, to everyone.

Thank you.

Life to-do list.

This is a list of things I want to do in my life. Some normal, some odd, some fun, some serious, some completely random, some with deep meaning. I'll put Yes/No next to them to let you know if I have done them yet or not. These are not in any order, other than the order they come into my head.

1) Know someone truly amazing. Yes
2) Have a friend who I can tell anything and everything. Yes
3) Be fully independent. No
4) Fall in love. Yes
5) Have a proper job. Yes
6) Own a car. No
7) Own a house. No
8) Get married. No
9) Become international famous for something good. No
10) Learn to play the guitar. Sort of
11) Do a bungee jump. No
12) Go sky diving. No
13) Climb a mountain. No
14) Write and sing a song to someone. Sort of
15) Learn to sing. Sort of
16) Get the lead role in a theatre production. Yes
17) Direct a film/theatre show. No
18) Get very drunk. Yes
19) Have a hangover. Yes
20) Have a stag night like in the film The Hangover. No
21) Go to a stag night. No
22) Design clothes and get them produced. No
23) Get a world record. No
24) Host a party. Yes
25) Pass my GCSEs. YES!
26) Pass My A-Levels. No
27) Go through university. No
28) Go to Cambridge university. No
29) Become a vet. No
30) Own my own practise. No
31) Become rich. No
32) Win the lottery. No
33) Play the lottery. Yes
34) Save a life. No
35) Meet famous people. No
36) Save the world. No
37) Become a superhero. No
38) Find a cure for cancer. No
39) Invent something amazing. No
40) Play a song at Wembly. No
41) Play football for England. No
42) Play football for a professional club. No
43) Win the World Cup. No
44) Manage a football team. No
45) Dance well with the person I love. No
46) Take a hit for someone. No
47) Fight for something I believe in. No
48) Live in a different country. No
49) Go around the world. No
50) Live forever. No

That's my life to-do list. Let me know if anything on there is somethng that surprised you, is something you have done, is something you want to do, or is something that makes sense to you.

Until next time my dear friends, adios.

Things that are cool, and that are not.

This is a blog about things that people consider to be cool, and things that people consider not too be cool. This is not always what I think is cool, but what some people may consider cool.

"Cool" things:
Music. Sometimes what I consider "proper" music, with people actually playing it. Sometimes drum and bass and computerised music. I will not go back into that. I have already done a whole blog about it. If you haven't read it already, just look through my previous posts.
Clothes. Again, it really is a matter of opinion as to what style of clothing is cool. Maybe I will do a blog about that some time. Keep watching.
Holidays. Time to mess around with people, time to do nothing, time to do something, time to go places, time to do pretty much whatever you want to do.
People. Famous, not famous, nice, good looking, funny etc. Again, it is a matter of opinion as too who is cool.
Social networking sites. Twitter in my opinion is best, and most of the people who will read this will probably agree with me.
Television. Yet again, it is just a matter of opinion as to what kind of television is cool.
Sport. In my opinion anyway.
Games. Not necessarily computer games, but sometimes board games, such as Monopoly. That game is amazing.
Actually having a life. Where you go out and see friends, go to social events, just being with people you like.
Peace. That is probably the coolest thing of all. Not pointless killing of innocent people.
Lava lamps. I do not care what you say about them, they are cool. End of. Along with bow ties, fez's and stetsons.

"Uncool" things:
Being a person who does not care about anyone other than themselves. These people are the people who tell you to change the way you are. These are the people who try to make you do things for them. These are the people you do not want to know.
Two faced people and people who lie. Enough said on that.
Crime. It is bad. Do not do it.
Being smart. Apparently. I do not think that this is "uncool", however, some people, the less intelligent people of this world, think that it is "uncool" to be smart. I think that being clever is probably one of the coolest things that you can be.
Not understanding something. I get this a lot. It is not cool.
Paedophiles. Just no.
Men who hit women. You do not deserve life.
Cheating. On your girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband. Not cool. Or in games. Also not cool.
Terminal illness. One of the least cool things in the world.
War. The pointless killing of innocent people. The endless fighting over resources and differences in opinion.
Global warming. And the fact that we are basically refusing to do anything about it. We need to fix this.
Death. Enough said.


Please let me know if you think that there is anything I have missed out in my list of cool and uncool things. This is a rather quickly put together blog and I do not know if it is that good. Let me know.

About me.

I'm basically just going to write loads of facts about me. No real reason, I just thought that the people who read this might want to know a little about me. This will probably take a while for me to write, because I can never think of anything about myself.
1) I tend to ramble a lot in my blog posts, as you probably already know.
2) I am almost constantly on Twitter and Facebook.
3) I prefer Twitter to Facebook, because it actually gets updated and the people on it are just generally nicer.
4) I am, at the time of writing, doing my GCSEs. And they are a pain in the whatsits.
5) I am bizarrely looking forward to sixth form, even though I think that I will struggle.
6) I am taking biology, chemistry, maths and drama.
7) I am only taking drama because I found out that I do not need physics to go to university, and I also found out that you do not need a GCSE in drama to do it at A-Level. Also, I enjoy drama.
8) I am in a drama club, and I love it.
9) I am not looking forward to when I will have to leave it.
10) I also really enjoy pretty much everything to do with sport. Watching or playing. And I enjoy pretty much every sport. But not golf or curling. Those bore the living daylights out of me.
11) I need to get back into some form of sport, or go to the gym more often.
12) I am a proud fan of Arsenal, Bristol City, Middlesex County Cricket Club, Somerset County Cricket Club and the Green Bay Packers.
13) I get very annoyed with sports. Especially whenever England play some form of sport. And I will shout abuse at the players. A lot.
14) Most of my friends do not enjoy sport. Or most of the things I like for that matter.
15) I do not feel that I really fit in anywhere.
16) I am always looking to improve myself.
17) I am always trying to help people in need, even if I am just someone to talk to.
18) I need to get a proper job soon. A paper round does not cover what I need.
19) I love music.
20) Most of my thoughts do not go in any particular order most of the time. As you can probably tell by the blog post.
21) I am always on the look out for new music. Either from bands I listen to a lot, or bands that I have never heard of.
22) I am interested in fashion.
23) I am not gay for those of you who assumed that from my last fact.
24) I am having to look back through these facts to make sure I do not say something twice.
25) I should probably be revising right now.
26) I have 17 GCSE exams this year. And it is silly. Some people have already finished theirs.
27) I act and dance.
28) I kind of sing, but only in groups really.
29) I want to be able to do solos, but I do not feel that I have the ability or confidence to do so.
30) I am thinking about doing some charity work during the summer. Probably not officially, but I will raise some money for a charity somehow.
31) That charity will probably be Macmillan Cancer Support.
32) I sort of play the guitar. Not very well, but I can play a little.
33) I am trying to form a guitar duo with one of my friends. It is unlikely to keep going, but I would like to have a go at it.
34) I have a non-biological sister, who I love dearly.
35) I won my phone from Pepsi Max. I was very surprised and happy when I found out.
36) I always have my phone with me. It is my music player and contact device.
37) The only time that I am not listening to music is during school hours when I have lessons.
38) I love books.
39) I have not read much recently due to the fact I have been revising and very tired.
40) I actually have two books on the go, but I just have not got time to read them.
41) I am quite jumpy.
42) I am very, very ticklish.
43) I am apparently funny and good-looking.
44) I am not entirely sure about these two things.
45) I feel that I need to do more to look after my body.
46) I once broke my leg. It was not fun. Being on crutches for three months is not fun. Especially when you want to play football and dance.
47) My legs are actually different lengths. My right leg is longer than my left.
48) I am not very flexible.
49) I am interested in photography.
50) Unfortunately, I cannot take good photos to save my life.
51) I have shaky hands.
52) I do not think that I really have a best friend.
53) I am apparently one of the more popular people in my friendship group.
54) I am again not entirely sure about this.
55) I try to get along with people as much as possible.
56) I hate it when people judge me without getting to know me first.
57) I have a big, dopey black lab. I love my dog.
58) I read Esquire magazine. It is pretty interesting.
59) I have tried to get my blog post on Music published in a newspaper.
60) I have not had a reply, so I am guessing that they will not be printing it.
61) I want to be a vet.
62) I like to party.
63) My friends get annoyed at me for not going to their parties when I am somewhere else.
64) I then get annoyed with them for that.
65) I get annoyed far too easily.
66) That is something I do not like about myself. How annoyed I get and how quickly.
67) I am awkward.
68) I am a bit of a nerd. And I am proud of it.
69) I wish I was a little more interesting.
70) I actually giggled slightly at the number of my last fact.
71) I am rather immature.
72) I am a bit of a movie geek.
73) I am a Gleek.
74) I am proud of being a Gleek.
75) I am not considered to be straight by most of the people in my friendship group because of the way I act, or the things I like.
76) I hate it when people say things like that.
77) I hate homophobia.
78) I have strong opinions about most things.
79) I will try to get both sides of a story before deciding what I think about it.
80) I am basically addicted to Pepsi Max.
81) I am a strong atheist.
82) I want to be able to do some form of dramatic gesture to the people that I love.
83) I will do anything for the people I love.
84) I hate racism.
85) I hate sexism.
86) I have a lot of respect for women.
87) I will listen to anyone's problems and try to help in anyway I can.
88) I will probably have a different friendship group in sixth form due to my current friendship group not being very accepting of how I am.
89) I was struggling last year with my GCSEs.
90) I am struggling to think of anything else to put.
91) I do not like to leave things at strange numbers. Such as volume on the radio. It has to be a multiple of either three or five.
92) I tend to be a bit slow when it comes to pretty much everything.
93) My favourite bands right now are You Me At Six, Paramore, Biffy Clyro, 30 Seconds To Mars, The Script, Bon Jovi and Francis Fear.
94) I have only seen Bon Jovi and Francis Fear live.
95) I actually know a member of Francis Fear well.
96) I want to go to more concerts or festivals.
97) I want to do more things which are interesting.
98) I always try my best.
99) Sometimes my best is not good enough.
100) I hate it when I feel that I am not good enough.
101) Most of these facts either lead on in some way from one another, or have no reference to anything said previously.
102) I have pretty much run out of things to say about myself.
103) I will do two more random ones just to make sure that the number is a multiple of three or five.
104) I need to get out more.
105) I cannot smile on demand.
106) I spend too much money.
107) I think that my music taste is quite varied.
108) I mess up everything good that comes into my life.
109) If you do not want to get hurt, I suggest you stay away from me.
110) I am single.


Let me know what you think about me from these facts on Twitter or Facebook. Or comment below. Whatever is easiest for you. Adios.

The Year 11 Ball (Part 2)

This was going to be a blog of three parts. Part 1, the build up to the ball. Part 2, the actual ball itself. Part 3, what happens afterwards i.e. The after ball party, and what happens when you wake up from that. But I did not go to an afterball party, due to lack of voice, not wanting to be hungover for my drama group the next day, and leading on from that one, not wanting to be the only sober person at the party. So this has become a blog of two parts.

So, the day of the ball. Get home, get showered, get shaved and get ready. In that order. After having done all that, in full ball tuxedo, get into the car, and go to your friends house so you can get your limo/car to the ball. This is when it starts to get really exciting, because you have realised that this is actually happening. When everybody has turned up, the limo arrives, and you high five everybody. Well, at least, that is what my group did. So, we climb into the limo and smile like madmen, because it looks amazing. The leather seats, the lights, the drinks glasses, the drinks holders. The driver passes a couple of bottles down the limo. Non-alocoholic, of course, with us being underage, and it being illegal. *cough* But anyway, we have drinks, and as the limo starts to move, we start to pour the drinks. Maybe we could have poured them before the limo was moving, but we were excited and not really thinking about that. I had the honour of pouring the drinks. They make it look very easy in the movies. It is not. The limo going around corners, stopping, starting, and going over bumps in the road made it very hard, but I did it. Of course, we had loud music playing, with a heavy bass line. Not my choice, I hasten to add, but I went with it. So, when we all had our grape juice (that is what it was), we made a toast. To the future. Then we sat back and enjoyed the ride.

When we got to our school, which is where the ball was being held. Yeah, yeah, I know, not terribly fun or exciting to have it at school, but that is not the point. As we got out of the limo, there we people behind barriers cheering. I was quite surprised at the fact so many of the year 10 girls were there, and that they all knew me. I found this odd, yet nice at the same time. We had our pictures taken next to the limo, and then went to mingle with the other people who had already turned up. We were the third group to have turned up, so there wasn't many people to talk to yet. That soon changed as time went on. People were turning up in limos, fancy cars, motorbikes, buses, a boat, tractors, a trolley, and most interestingly of all, a tank. That was quite something. To see a tank rolling up with people from my school in was very impressive. There was lots of noise from everyone, as we all mingled around, the boys in tuxedos and suits, the girls in amazing dresses, looking stunning, waiting for the walk up to begin.

The walk up through the school was amazing. We had a drummer and a bagpipe player (I do not know what you call one of those. A bagpipist? A bagpipper? I do not know) in front of us as we walked past the people on the sides. It was quite something. Walking past lots of people with your date holding your arm. Very nice. As we walked past everybody into the hall, we saw that it had been transformed from the dull, plain usual hall, into an amazingly decorated hall, with all of our year seven pictures playing on a slide show. That bit was very funny. We walked in a spiral to get into our three circles that we would dance in. I was in the inner cicrle. We realise just how many people were in our year at that point. The dancing would be fun, with the girls in long dresses. You can probably guess what happened when we started dancing. Yes, that's right. The dresses got stood on. Not by me, but by the girls wearing the dresses, or the girls next to them. So, we did the waltz, the salsa, the tango and the cha cha cha. Non of these were to hard, but in a small space, and with dresses and tuxedos, they became just that little bit harder. But we went through that without anything going wrong. We clapped, and then the party really started.

We had a DJ, and of course when the music started, we started to jump up and down in time to it. Because, as teenagers, that is pretty much the only way we will dance at parties. Unless it is a rather intimate dance. But at a school ball, and with the tempo of most of the songs, that was not likely to happen. So, everybody was jumping around. And singing at the top of our voices. We did this for the entire night, unless the song was something like YMCA, tha cha cha slide or the Macarena. Because, let's face it, everybody knows actual dance moves to those songs. At some point during this, I went with a group of guys to have our photos taken, single ones and group ones. And behind the photo thing, there was food. After quickly grabbing some food, sticking some strawberrys and marshmellows onto a stick and putting them into a chocolate fountain, and grabbing a lollypop, we went back into the hall, grabbed a drink from outside, and continued with our random jumping and singing. After having done this for a few hours, we got rather warm, so some of the guys and I stepped out to cool down, and remembered that there was a casino in a different part of the school, just for that one night. So we went there, and played roulette and blackjack for a bit, until we decided that we would develop gambling problems if we stayed any longer. We went back into the hall, where a band had started to play. Cue random jumping and singing at the tops of our voices. At some points, the band gave up singing and just played the music, because we were singing the songs ourselves. Lets face it, if you play Livin' On A Prayer by Bon Jovi at a year 11 ball, everybody will know the words, the tune, the timings, and everything, so all you need to do is play in to background. This trend continued with most of the songs, us jumping up and down, singing, and the band just playing.

At the end of the night, balloons were relised from the ceiling, and everybody cheered and started hitting them around and popping them. The DJ came back on the play some more music, and we again started jumping up and down, singing. This was at nearly midnight. People started to leave just before midnight, and there was hugging, and handshakes and general goodbyes. I got a call from my dad at midnight saying he was ready to pick me up. I missed the call three times before I answered it. I could not hear my phone. I made my way outside, after having said goodbye to my friends who I was dancing with. I said goodbye to my friends who were outside, and promised that we would meet up at some point. At that point it really hit me. This is it. I had made it through the years. I realised that I would not see some of my friends again. Or, at least, not as much as I did. I hugged my friends, shook hands with them and walked off to find my dad.

Well, that is that. The end of an era. The end of year 11. It is quite emotional really. I have grown up with these people. I will be seeing most of them next year at sixth form, but the ones that I will not be, I will miss dearly.

Well, until my next blog dear readers, Adios!

Worry and/or Stress

Everybody worries about things. Everybody gets stressed about things. I'm going to talk about that today. I say talk, I mean ramble and get off subject. Here we go:
There are many things that cause stress and worry. In an average teenagers life, the things that cause most stress are the dreaded exams, and worrying about what everyone thinks of them. Especially members if the opposite sex that they quite like. Of course, these are only two things that cause stress. There are an infinite number of things that can cause stress. Trouble at home, trouble at school, friends troubles, trouble with friends, falling out with friends, not being able to do something, etc. What I am trying to say is that almost everything causes some form stress and worry.
Different people deal with the stress in different ways. Some people keep it all bottled up inside, some people explode with emotion, some people break down, some people stay strong and keep going, some people keep doing the same things over and over until it is right. Everybody deals with it differently. I personally put my headphones in, turn up my music, and ignore what is going on around me. Then, I will log on to MSN or text someone, and talk it out with them. I often feel the need to do this, perhaps it is just part of being a teenager, perhaps it is just me. I do not think that it is only me though.
Occasionally, somebody will cause you unnecessary amounts of stress. I.e. When they send you a rather concerning text. My girlfriend almost did this to me the other day. She apparently was going to send me a text saying that she was pregnant. That would have been extremely concerning for me, because it would definitely not have been my baby. And my girlfriend would be pregnant. Fortunately, she did not send this text. If she had, I would have broken down. Quite literally. My brain would not have functioned for the rest of the day. Also, it was on April Fools day, so I would (hopefully) have realised that it was a joke. I would like to now confirm that my girlfriend is NOT pregnant.
Anyway, that did not really go with most of the rest of the blog. So, another thing that can cause stress is revision. Purely because it makes you think that you might not know the stuff you need to know. And if you do a lot of it, which I do, it gets on your nerves, which makes you stressy. Of course, someone will make a stupid comment about something trivial, and you will get annoyed about it. It is a cruel cycle of stress and things that cause stress.
This is going to be a shorter blog than usual, because I'm spending most of my time doing revision, and getting stressed. I will see you all later when I hopefully remember to write about my year 11 ball. Until then, adios mi amigos!

Year 11 Ball (part 1)

This is going to be a blog of three parts. Part 1, the build up to the ball. Part 2, the actual ball itself. Part 3, what happens afterwards i.e. The after ball party, and what happens when you wake up from that.
So, this is part 1. The build up. Basicaly when everyone try's to get dates, and all the girls try to find the one dress that nobody else will have. For guys, however, it is easy, clotheswise, because it is standard tuxedo time. It must be rented. Those things are not cheap. And I have one now, and it is pretty snazzy. Black trousers, white shirt, mint green waist coat, green bow tie, black jacket and shiney black shoes. Fairly standard, but hell, I look good in it. Wow, I'm modest as well. Right, now I guess I had better tackle the girls ball dresses. Ok, so I actually have no idea about them, but oh well. I have figured that every dress must be different, and if they are the same, virtually all hell breaks loose, unless they are like best friends, and even then, it does not end too well. But I have aboustly no understanding of this, so please, do not, whatever you do, quote me on that. And then, after having sorted out what you are wearing to the main event, you have to sort out how you are getting there, and who with. The simple way of getting to it is by the stretched limo. Boring, because everyone does it, yet, it is a pretty good way of getting there. And it is easy. The hard bit is sorting out who's coming in the limo, and then figuring out what it will cost everyone to rent it. It gets confusing, because people seem to be unwilling to even go to the ball, which I do question. I mean, why are you not going? It is a laugh, and it is good fun, and if you try and say "I'm not going because I've got no one to go with" that is complete and utter bollocks. You do not need to actually go with someone, you can go with a group of friends. So just go. Right, now that is out of my system, I shall continue.
And then comes the single, hardest part of the pre-ball build up, for guys anyway, is asking a girl to the ball. It is one of the hardest things in the world for a guy to do, asking a girl to dance, due to the fear of rejection. It is made even more awkward by not knowing if the girl you are about to ask is already going with another guy, or if she is just going with a group of friends. All these factors result in guys having serious problems in asking girls to the ball. This is perhaps why some of my friends are currently date less. I cannot talk though, seeing as I, at the time of writing this blog, do not have a date for the ball. But I, in all honesty, as nice as the girls are in my year, I would much rather be able to take my girlfriend. But unfortunatly, we must either take a girl from our year, or go without anyone. But, hi ho, silver lining (yes, that is a Jeff Beck lyric for those who got that) it means that you either go with a bunch of friends, or, if single, you might end the night having a girlfriend. I'm not saying that is going to happen, but still there is a chance. Or if, like me, you have a girlfriend, but you are not allowed to take her for whatever reason, and you do take another girl (please for god's sake, let your girlfriend know that it is ONLY for the ball), it is just a chance to have a nice chat to members of the other sex. But anyhow, seeing as I have no date, writing this on the 21st of march, so this is correct as of the time of writing. Although, I may actually have a date by the time of the ball, watch this space. Anyway, that is my take on the build up to the ball. This blog post may well be updated closer to the date of my ball, 20th of may. So, I may well be talking, or rambling, before my next promised blog. Until then, Adios mis amigos!

Relationships

I am probably not the best person to be writing about this, having not had the most relationships ever, and by that, I mean one. But I am going to write this blog, so sit there and take the complete rubbish I am probably about to write.
So, I am currently in a relationship, with a girl I love very deeply, and I cannot stop thinking about her, which I guess is normal, and right. And of course, I think that she is funny, clever, caring and beautiful, but she disagrees, and I do not understand why. Maybe it is just a female thing, that girls do not like boys giving them compliments. And I do compliment her, a lot. Too much if you ask her, but surely it is better that I tell her that she is beautiful, funny, clever, etc. as often as I can, because compliments are good right?
But anyway, I was talking to my very beautiful girlfriend, who will probably read this, and get a little annoyed with me for writing this, but there we go, and we somehow got on to me needing to prove myself to her, to which she replied that I didn't need to prove myself, and that I was perfect, which I am really not. I always make stupid comments, which usually end badly, and I am not the best person in the world when it comes to doing things right. And she says that she is the one who needs to prove herself, which she really does not, show I say that she is funny, clever, caring and beautiful, which is why I love her. I tell her that she does not need to prove anything.
The real reason I feel that I need to prove myself is because, like I said above, I am always doing things wrong, whether it be saying things or doing things. I also wonder to myself "why did she pick me? She is so amazing, she could have had any guy in the world, but she picked me. What makes me so special?" I know that I am nothing amazing, we both do drama, dancing and singing, and I am not the best actor in our company, I am not one of the better dancers, and I am probably the worst singer in the group. Whereas she is an amazing dancer, a very good actor, and can sing as well. I am left wondering, what did I do to deserve her? I am not the best looking guy, not the fittest, not the funniest, not the smartest, and sometimes one of the most insensitive people ever. Whilst my girlfriend is dancing her socks of amazingly, doing a very impressive dance, and making it look easy, I am struggling to do the simple moves, and I look like I am struggling. And when we are singing, I have pretty much been banned from doing solos, due to the fact that I am apparently "not confident enough", in fairness, I know I am not amazing, but a little support would be nice, so that I could build up my confidence. But my beautiful, amazing girlfriend has gotten a big part in our next show, and sings a lot in it, whilst I have been stuck with a load of smaller roles, some of which were meant to sing solos, but that idea was scrapped, because I do not have the confidence, or because I just can't sing. But, hey-ho, I thought I would go with it, because I know I am not the best singer. But, it does make me wonder again, why pick me, I'm not anything special, in fact, I'm a bit of a nobody. I don't have any stand out qualities, I don't do anything amazingly well to get myself noticed, I am just a bit dull. Whilst she is out there, being interesting, I feel that I am just plain boring, that I shouldn't speak, because when I do, I make stupid comments.
And then, there is the age thing. I have only just turned sixteen, whilst she is seventeen. My friends have made jokes about me just being a toy-boy, which did kind of hurt, I admit. But they have made me think, and it isn't good, because I then get all paranoid and go into a bad cycle of thoughts, and start doubting myself. I know that most if the time guys go for girls there own age, or younger in some cases, but it doesn't feel, to me, that our age gap is that much. I know that it is about fifteen months, but it doesn't seem to make a difference. And, with her being older then me, I get rather stupid comments made about sex. To me a relationship shouldn't just be based on that, it should be based on love, understanding, and a desire to be together. I find it rather annoying how all of my friends, most of whom are single, I would like to add, are all making comments about me having sex with my girlfriend, which, I would like to add at this moment in time, has NOT happened, and of course, they are trying to make me feel somehow inferior for not having had sex, which none of them can really comment on. If you don't mind, I will do it when the time is right, with the right person.
I unfortunatly often end up thinking about why she picked me, seeing as I am nothing special, although, as my non-biological sister tells me, she picked me for me, and I know I should be happy for that, but sometimes I think that I am not a very good boyfriend. I don't always know what to say or do, I don't know much, I don't know how to write beautiful poetry, I don't know how to sing a love song, I don't know how to play the guitar, but one thing I do know is that I love her, and I will always love her. So I guess that is what it really comes down to, love. I am not perfect, but she seems to think so, so I guess that, in someways, I am. And I know that she is perfect, although she disagrees with me, but then, we must agree to disagree.
So there you go, my complete and utter crap of a blog about relationships. In fact, what I basically just did was talk about my own relationship, and what happens. So this blog really didn't stick to the title, but that happens with everyone of my blogs. So there we go, that's it. Jamie over and out.

How men are still as emotionaly locked up as they were in the 1930s.

This is basically a blog subject that I didn't think of myself, it was suggested to me by a friend. So I will say sorry now in case it is complete and utter rubbish. Sorry. There, now that's done, I can write the blog.

So, men. As a guy, I am under the pressure of needing to fit in, like everyone else I guess, but for men, for whatever reason, it is hard to open up, and show emotions. I am, for one, not a person who has much trouble showing emotion. I tend to show how I am feeling. I wear my heart on my sleeve, so to speak. I am a very open person. I think that this is best because, this way, if something is wrong, I do not need to keep it bottled up, and then it can't eat me up from inside. It means that I can get help from my friends and family if something is bugging me. But for other men, it is hard to open up, and show others how they are feeling. This may be because they feel that people will think less of them if they show that they can feel things. Or perhaps, for whatever stupid reason, people may think that they are in some way homosexual. This seems to happen to me with certain people, "Oh, he has feelings, and he can show them, henceforth, through my 'oh so clever' logic, he must be gay." On the contrary, I am not gay, I just have the ability to show how I am feeling. This may not be the same for others, but it does happen to me.

When you start to show emotions, it is considered to be a sign of weakness, but it really is not. It is a sign of strength, passion, joy, sadness, the list goes on. All emotions are felt by everyone sometime during their lifetime, but for men, it seems to be hard to show them. I cannot say that I understand why this is, but I am going to try and explain why I think the reasons behind it. It may be that men are actually scared of being judged, which is quite possible, but it may also be that they feel less of a man if they show their emotions. Emotions are part of human nature, so I do not see why people judge others on them.

Men may still be as locked up emotionally as they were in the nineteen thirties, but I do not know for sure, having never been to that time period. But men are still locked up about emotions, perhaps because they never learnt how to show them properly, or perhaps due to the fact that they just don't understand what they are feeling. I am also sometimes confused about what I am feeling, but then I talk to someone, try to put it into words, try to understand what I am feeling. I have to say that talking to people helps you understand what your feeling.

Men might also might be locked up because they do not know how to put into words what they are feeling. Perhaps in the 1930s it was frowned upon for men to talk about feelings. In fact, it still is now. And it just isn't British, talking about emotions. It isn't something that people in Britain are good at, I do not know why. I do not fully understand why this is. Maybe it is because we just cannot talk about it, because it just isn't croquet. Perhaps in the 1930s, men were men, only talking about sport and abusing women. That isn't my view on how men should be, merely the 1930s outlook. Whilst the women stayed at home, cooked, cleaned and looked after the children, the men were out working, often in factories, quarries, and the likes, so the men only ever really talked to other men, so they never opened up. This would have been passed down generations of men, so they never had a proper heart to heart with their father, which has impacted on today's men. They struggle to talk about emotions and the likes. The conversations are mainly based on what makes both parties feel comfortable, so if someone doesn't feel comfortable talking about something, the problem will be ignored. It sounds like some kind of disease like that, and in a way, it is. The disease that has crippled men through generations. The disease that has stopped men being able to talk about certain things. I do not know. I didn't take history as a GCSE, so I cannot pretend to know much about history, but this is what I think is the reason behind it. After 70-80 years of this, people are starting to realise that emotions are not big and scary, everybody feels them, at different points during their lives, but they do feel them. This slow dawning has made it easier for men to open up, even though the older generations are still struggling, the younger generation, mine, are talking to our peers about these things, because we are making proper friendships, making strong bonds between people, who we then feel we can talk to about almost anything, although some things still are carefully avoided, often because we find them to be embarrassing, but just as often, we cannot put the things into words, so the problem goes unattended. Men are still struggling to show emotions, for the fear that someone will still judge them on their behaviour. This is rather silly, because we are all the same, we all came into the world the same way, we are all equal, so no-one has the right to judge us. So, to all you men out there, to coin a phrase, man up, and be open about everything, because, lets face it, nobody is any better or worse than you. No-one can judge you for being who you are, and feeling how you feel. I don't think that this has really stuck much to the title of the blog, so again I am sorry for it being complete and utter rubbish, but there you go. There is the blog on that, which did go a little of course, but it is now done. The end.

Lengths of time spent on things

In life, you spend a lot of time doing things you don't enjoy. In my case: homework and chores. It takes away time from me that I could be spending doing things I enjoy. Things like sports, my drama club, relaxing at home and hanging around with my friends. Although I do make time to do these things, I don't have as much time as I would like. Unfortunately, homework is something that has to be done, otherwise bad things happen. Such as detention, which takes even more time away from me being able to talk to my friends. And if I don't do my chores, I end up getting grounded, so I can't see my friends, which means that I spend time on my homework, and other relatively boring tasks along those lines, which doesn't half put me in a bad mood. Which means that I am even less likely to do what I should. So I get grounded again, or get detention. Which takes away even more time from me being able to do the things I like. It is really just a cruel circle if I'm honest.
Of course, there are the things that I do enjoy doing, such as hanging out with friends, sports, my drama club and relaxing at home. I have to admit that I am a bit of a Facebook and Twitter addict. I have them both open on different tabs even as I am writing this. I spend a lot of my free time on the computer, talking to people, seeing what is going on in the world of my friends.In fact, that is probably half the reason I don't do my homework and chores. Too much of Facebook and Twitter. Perhaps I should stop. But I don't think that it is going to happen, due to me needing to know what is going on around the world. I also spend a lot of time texting, which can become rather expensive. Just as well Tesco do the thing with tripling your credit when you top up ten, fifteen or twenty pounds, and for free. It is very, very useful for me, because I wouldn't make it though without that deal. Due to my need to talk to people and socialise, I end up spending a lot of money on that. I have gone of subject a bit there. Back to what I was talking about. I also spend a lot of time listening to music. I don't think that I would survive a day without listening to some form of music. It is in my blood. And after seven years of my drama club, at which I sing, dance and act, I feel the need to move to the music, or sing along, or both sometimes, depending on the song. I do really enjoy going to my drama club. It has made me who I am today. I know that sounds rather cliche, but it is the truth. Before going there, I was a shy, closed-off little boy, but now, I am a confident and open dude. Yes, dude. I couldn't think of a better word. But I wouldn't be writing this blog if it weren't for that drama group. I owe them all so much. So I would like to say thank you to them now, even though they probably will never read this, but it makes me feel better. I also enjoy going there because I have so many good friends there, and I have spent seven years worth of Saturday afternoons with. For three hours at a time. I think that is a grand total of nine hundred and forty five hours, give or take a few hours. Wow, that is a long time....
So, I went a little off track, and took a little trip down memory lane then, and I actually got a little emotional, because of all the good times I have had there. All those times that you don't think you'll ever remember when you are in the moment, but looking back, you really do. All those times spent sat around talking, singing, dancing, acting and just being children, and then growing to become teenagers together. Wow, I am getting really emotional now, because I am probably going to have to leave soon, and a lot of my good friends are going to be leaving. I actually have a tear in my eye. But in a good way, I guess.
I'm going to stop that there, before I start crying everywhere. So, back to my chosen subject, which I shall continue with on the subject of sports. I love my sports, I find that it is a good release of everything that you've had to keep inside. It is a way of letting yourself go, even if it is only for an hour in PE. For instance, football. I am a fanatic, I play it at every opportunity I get. It is a way of releasing the pent up energy that you cannot release any other way. What I am saying is, don't just do things because you have to, do them because you enjoy them, and don't live your life thinking "what if?" Live your life without regrets, get up, and go at them.

Birthdays

It is my birthday this month, and I am looking forward to it quite a bit, if I am honest. It means that I am one step closer to being able to do everything legally (even though I have been doing most of the things for a few years already). It also means that I am closer to being an adult, which is a slightly worrying thought, I do not think that I am really mature enough to be an adult, but I have still have time to sort that. HAHAHAHA! I do not think that it is likely to happen, but there we go. It also means that I have an excuse for a party, which is never a bad thing. I do enjoy a good "partay". Yes, I do mean "partay", it is just not the same if it is a mere party. It is something I enjoy doing, going to partys, because it is a way of socialising, and meeting new people, which can provide to be quite interesting, to say the least. But i go off topic, as I do in most of my blogs. Did it again. Should really stop that. And again. Right, back to what I was talking about, birthdays, and the resulting partys. so, every year it comes around, my birthday that is, not always a party, but still I am having one this year, for my sixteenth, or as my mother and her friends kindly put it "my super sweet sixteenth". Yes, thank you mother, I am not a stupid cow of a girl who thinks it important to spend stupid amounts of money on a party that always ends up being absoutly shocking, and feels the need to be on television for the thirty seconds of fame it will bring me, and then I will get thrown onto the pile of people who appeared on television for half an hour, and then gets forgotten, by everybody, and most importantly my friends, because I get to big for my boots, and slag everyone off who does not have a party on television. But anyway, I am not like that. I just want to have a good time with some friends, with music, dancing, and probably bad singing (not from me of course, I am an amazing singer. *cough*). All I really want is to be able to dance (well) with the girl I love. I would not mind if that was all I got for my birthday. But still, presents are nice. But I honestly do not really have anything I want this year. Which is annoying, because people keep asking me what I want, so all I can say is "I really don't know. Suprise me. But nothing to weird. Sorry." Because I have no idea. You may be thinking "WHAT!? A nearly sixteen year old doesn't want anything really for his birthday? What is wrong with him?" But that is just me, I am a bit different. So anyway, that is it really. My birthday. Summed up rather too easily. Perhaps I need to something about that. If you have any suggestions, please do feel free to comment below. Or wherever is easiest for you.

Influential People

There are a lot of different types of influential people in the world, ranging from musicans and actors/actresses, to directors and musical producers, to political leaders and news company owners. For instance, I read recently in GQ that the number 1 most influential man in the world this year, and possibly for next year, judging by what they say, is non other than George Osborne, the "new iron chancellor" as they called him. He is apparently more influential than the PM himself, who came in at a poor number 2. These are the men who are leading our "great" country forwards, out of the current economic crisis, and on to a better place for Great Britian. *cough*. Sorry, my personal trust in politics and the banks of England has dropped by a considerable amount. But anyway, these are the two most influential men in the world, but too me, I don't find there to be much difference in my life, other than the prices of things changing, but that is it really. To me personally, the people who influence my life properly are musicans, actors/actresses, teachers (yes, they do actually make a difference), my family and my friends. I think that musicians influence me because they write songs that i enjoy listening to, and so henceforth, buy the songs, either through downloading, or by buy the actual CD copy. Actors and actresses entertain me, with good acting, singing, dancing or whatever. I then go to the cinema to see the films that they are in. Sometimes more than once. Teachers, who actually teach me things, not the stupid supply teachers, who, lets face it, have no control over the students, and so teach us nothing. The teachers who can teach have made me realise that I have to work for what I want, and so have to pay attention in lessons, though not RE, because it is the most pointlessly usless subject possible. And IT. I know how to work a dam computer. Anyway, I rambled abit there. So, the useful subjects, I pay attention in, because, as I found out a while ago, when applying to a university, they look back at your GCSE results, not only your A-levels. I found this rather worrying. Anyway, there is another thing that influences me. University, and what I want to do there, and afterwards. My family, purely because they are my family, and I do love them, no matter how much they get on my nerves. They encourage me to try new things, and try, I stress try, to help me in life. They take me to places that I want to go to. Not always, but most of the time. Or they give me money to help me get to that place. Etc. And, of course, last but not least, my friends, whom I would be very lost without. In fact, one of them, Charley Wilkinson, made me write this blog, about herself. There you go Charley, you got a mention. As you can tell, Charley is a good friend of mine, and my friends do influence me a lot. They recomend music to me, they suggest things to watch, they give me advice on what to do in certain situations. I try to listen to their advice and act upon it. It doesn't always happen, but that's just life. I also try to do things with my friends that we don't do often, such as meet up, and just go into town. Or go to concerts. Or just meet up outside of where we usually meet, and talk complete rubbish, as teenagers do. For instance, I had already seen Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, but my girlfriend had not, so we went together, and saw it. Most of the time I wouldn't go and see a film again, unless I needed too to understand it properly, rather like Inception. That film is confusing. But I ramble again. Like I said, I wouldn't see a film twice in a cinema, but because of my girlfriend, I did. And that is a way I was influenced. But in a good way. Not a bad way, like falling in with the wrong crowd can make you want to take drugs, or smoke or do stupid things like that. A good way because we had a nice time, and nothing went wrong. And again I ramble. But anyway, everybody is influenced in different ways by different people. Sometimes in bad ways, sometimes in good ways, sometimes you influence people.

Christmas

Every year, christmas comes around, and every year, I get as excited as the next person. The joys of putting up the lights on the house, the fun of untangling the lights for the house (he says getting annoyed at how messed up the lights are), the last minute rush to buy presents for the people you forgot were coming to see you so you thought you could get away without getting them anything, the buying of the christmas tree, and having to look at every single christmas tree in the area, then buying the first one anyway (I blame my mother for this, every year, I say, "let's just get this one, it'll save us going everywhere else to just come back to get the same tree", not that it makes a difference to what happens. Oh well), the finding that one light doesn't work on the tree lights, and having to try and find which light you need to change (this often happens in my household, and it takes hours), decorating the inside of the house with tinsle, star things that hang from the ceiling, etc. The wrapping of presents (as a man, this is something I struggle with, whereas my girlfriend actually enjoys wrapping presents, and doesn't see how men cannot wrap presents. I don't understand this either, so don't ask), and of course the horror of the turkey, having to order it, which is what my family does, thank goodness, otherwise we would have no food on christmas day. And then having to get up far, far too early to cook it, which I often get roped into doing, not that it makes a difference to what time I get up, with me being 15, I wake up at 3 o'clock in the morning anyway. And of course, the relatives. Having to figure out where everybody will sleep. Fortunatly, we have a spare room, so we just stick them in there. But when more people come over, we start having problems, and more often than not, it is my room that gets used as a second spare room, not only for people to sleep in, but also for all the stuff that was in the first spare room that now has to be moved, and we couldn't just put it in the loft, oh goodness no, we might need that chess set that's never been opened. Anyway, enough of me ranting about how things go wrong before christmas. The real fun begins on christmas day. The getting up very early, annoying the parents by running into their room at 7 o'clock in the morning, yelling "OMG! SANTA'S BEEN!" Yes, that is what I do. I'm a teenager, ok? Anyway, after the stockings, and the random little things in there that will be lost by the new year, have been seen, we all charge down the stairs, often ending in someone getting hurt, often me. Then we crash into the living room and stand there gawping at the presents under the tree. Then we remember that we should probably let the dogs out of the kitchen, and we do. The dogs, being clever as they are, boundi into the living room, crashing into everything, and everyone, making a special effort to destroy the tree. After the pandemonium of that, we settle down, so to speak. Who can settle down on christmas morning? Anyway, we then procede to sort all of the presents under the tree into piles for everybody. It's a tradition. Then we open our presents, one at a time, going around the room in a circle, and at this point you realise that you've either forgotten a very important present for someone, or that you've simply been an idiot and left it upstairs in the hiding place, where you put it so no one could find it, and you have, of course, forgotten where it was, and start to panic. You run off, and run around the house muttering to yourself, trying to figure out where you put the presents, and when you're really worried, you see them, sat right there in front of you. Every year this happens to me. Anyway, then the present unwrapping continues. All those presents you spent so long trying to wrap neatly and well, and in a few seconds the wrapping paper has been destroyed. I don't know why I bother. Anyway, as you're going around the room, unwrapping the presents, you see the joy of getting something cross the persons face, and you realise it was all worth it. After that, it is time for lunch. The turkey has been cooked, the sprouts are on the table in their little bowl, that will stay untouched for the course of the day, and of course all the other trimings that you know and love. After lunch, it's time to sit back, and enjoy the presents that you unwrapped, as well as everyone else's presents. And the cracker jokes get told, everyone laughs, even though the jokes are just terrible, the paper hats are on heads, the funny toys from the crackers are left on the dinner table, because most of the time, they are completely useless, although, every year, I always find a good use for them. You sit there rather full, and feeling tired. At about 6 o'clock the television gets turned on for all the christmas specials of the shows you like to watch. Doctor Who, the point that my dad goes behind the sofa, a long lasting joke from his childhood. And of course anything else that looks any good will be watched, not with any great interest. Then, it is time for dinner. This is where the christmas ham comes out, and everybody congratulates the cook, even if the only stuck it in the oven for a few hours. And then, for pudding, my famous trifile, which I make every year, and is always very nice, if I don't say so myself. And then, you start to feel very tired. Your eyelides grow heavy, and you fall asleep on the sofa. And then, one at a time, everyone starts making their way to bed, often earlier than they would usually go to bed, even though they haven't done anything during the day. Doing nothing can be very tiring. But what I want this year is for evrybody to just stop for a minute on christmas day, and just think about those people who are less fortunate then you, those people who have no one to share christmas with, the sick people who are in hospital over the holiday period, and the people who have no homes to stay warm in during the long, cold winters nights. For this christmas I want people who are sick with no cure to be able to be cured. I want children with no families, to be adopted, I want people to never have to worry about food and shelter and heat. I know it is hard for people to think about the people who have less then them, but if you are well off, please, try to do something about this. Even if it is only giving a few pounds to charity, or giving a homeless person you pass on the street some loose change. It might not seem like a lot to you, but for them it could mean a meal, or a place to stay the night. It would make their christmas. These people deserve to have a chirstmas to remember, not another one to forget. Thank you.

Friendships

There are a lot of different frienships. The one where you've know each other for your whole lives, the one where you've know each other for what feels like your whole lives, the one you don't know how started, the one you don't know how you can even be friends, with so much difference between each other, the one where you know each other, get on, but never properly talk, the one where you don't get to see each other often enough, the one where you are never apart, the random ones that form in one night, and last forever, the ones that form one night, and you never see each other again, even though you said you would. These are but a few examples of friendships. What I'm trying to say is that friendship is just one of those things that we don't really have control over, because, as much as we like to think otherwise, if we get on with someone, and they get one if us, we are friends. They might be the most unliked person in the world, but you can't help that, because you get on, so you are friends. You can try to be friends with some people, and it never works out, because you are just too different, or you have opinions that don't suit the other persons views about things. But whatever the real reason behind your friendship with one person, and your lack of friendship between another person, as long as you are happy being friends with that person, then the friendship will last, if not, then it won't. If you feel you need to change how you are to be friends with someone, then the friendship just won't work quite simply. You should feel happy to be with your friends, even if you haven't seen them in years, which is a problem I have with a few of my friends unfortunatly. There are of course the friends to whom you can tell anything, and be safe in the knowledge that they will not talk to anyone else about it, unless you bring up the subject first. Quite often these people are your best friends, and you might not even realise it. It's not until you stop and think about it, that you realise who your real, true and best friends are. If you have to think to hard about it, you haven't got a proper person who falls into the categories. In which case, get off your computer, and go and see the people you know, and geton with, and, hopefully, soon you will find the person that falls into the categories.