My Self Doubt

Again, it's been about a month since I last posted anything, for which I am sorry. Well, here is my newest post. It's basically about why I am not an interesting person. It's about my self doubt. You will see as this blog goes on what it is really about.
Basically, I do not think I am a very interesting person. I am not talented, good looking, smart, funny or anything. I do not think I have even been interesting. I do not think that I am talented, good looking, smart or funny, despite what people say. I do not see what others see in me. I know that it sounds like I am attention seeking, but I am really not. I actually feel this way about myself. I do not like myself.

And then there is my self doubt. I always doubt myself when it comes to everything. I doubt my intelligence, I doubt my choices, I doubt everything. It affects everything. It causes me to get depressed. It causes me to think about myself. Which leads to more depression. It always ends badly for me. I always over think everything. It is the reason for me ending up loosing friends. I always doubt myself in relationships. I never think that I am good enough. I always think that I am second choice to anyone and everyone. I think that everyone and everything is better than me. I do not know why I feel like this, but I do. I wish I felt more positively about myself, but unfortunatly, I do not.

I would like to point out that I am not attention seeking, I do feel this way about myself. This is really just a way of me venting my self doubt and loathing so that it is not all pent up inside me. Sorry if I depress you, but if I do, do not read this blog post.

Goodbye for now.

Maybe It's Just Me

So, here is another set of lyrics I have written. I write lyrics a lot because I find that doing so helps me get all of my emotions and thoughts sorted into a way that I can fully control them. This is more or less a song about my self doubt. So, without further delay, here it goes:

I can't write a song,
The way it should be,
Maybe I'm just not good enough,
Maybe it's just me.

I want to sing a song,
One like I've never sung before,
Maybe I'm just not good enough,
Maybe it's just me.

I can't find the words,
To express how I feel,
And it really hurts,
Maybe that's the deal.

I look around for inspiration,
But nothing sparks my imagination,
I can't get it right,
I don't want to fight,
The words don't rhyme,
I can't keep time.

This ain't a good song,
This ain't nothing special,
There ain't no hope,
Maybe I'm just not good enough,
Maybe it's just me.

For once I want to be good enough,
But maybe I'm just not good enough,
Maybe it's just me.

Who am I?
Who am I?
Who am I?
Who am I?
I don't know anymore.

All these thoughts going round my head,
They make me wish I was dead,
I've lost who I am,
Does anyone give a damn?
I don't know who I am,
Who am I?
Maybe I'm just not good enough,
Maybe it's just me.

Perhaps if I tried,
Perhaps if I cried,
Perhaps if I died,
I should,
I would,
I could,
But what good would it be?
I'd still be me.
I'm just not good enough,
I'm just me.

It's been said that opposites attract,
If that's true, am I the same?
Or am I different too?
Maybe I'm just not good enough,
Maybe it's just me.

There is nothing I can do,
To make it all seem true,
People say they love me for me,
Then why is it so hard to see?
Am I just blind?
Maybe I'm just not good enough,
Maybe it's just me.


I can't take this anymore.
And you've all closed your doors.
I had so much to gain.
But it ended in pain.
I want to die.
But I can't say goodbye.
All of this.
It takes the piss.
Maybe it's just me.

I'm sat on my own as always,
Even when I'm surrounded by people, I feel alone,
Maybe I'm just not good enough,
Maybe it's just me.



So, there it is. My song. There is nothing more I can say about it, so I hope you enjoy it and please let me know what you think of it.

Until next time, goodbye my friends.

Scream It From The Rooftops

This is a song I wrote last month and I've only just decided that I want to show someone. I decided that the best way to show someone was to post it here. This is somewhere where people who do not necessarily know me can read what I put and tell me about it. There is a lot of meaning in this song, which you will probably pick up on. So, here it goes:

Scream It From The Rooftops

Here we go again.
Only this time it won't end in pain.
The love we know can only grow.
I want to scream it from the rooftops.
But any move and it may break.
I want to scream it from the rooftops.
But I'm afraid someone might hear.

There is nothing more I want.
All I want is right here beside me.
We can be all we want to be.

And here we go again.
Only this time it won't end in pain.
The love we know can only grow.
I want to scream it from the rooftops.
But any more and it may break.
I want to scream it from the rooftops.
But I'm afraid someone may hear.

But don't be afraid my dear,
You've got nothing to fear.
I'll never let this go.
Even when the winds blow.
This'll never end.
Even when we're in the deep end.

So here we go again.
Only this time it won't end in pain.
The love we know can only grow.
I want to scream it from the rooftops.
But any move and it may break.
I want to scream it from the rooftops.
But I'm afraid someone will hear.

And as I look at you,
I realise there's nothing to fear.

So I scream it from the rooftops.
I know it won't break.
I scream it from the rooftops.
I want someone to hear.
I scream from the rooftops.

Thank you.

Love And Hate

Love and hate is a very big topic, so I probably will not cover all of it. This is just going to be about smaller parts of it. I will try to not sound like a hippy.

Hate.

There is a lot of hate in the world. There is too much hate in the world. There are always wars, fights, arguments, break ups and shouting matches going on. There is always bullying, teasing, swearing and violence happening. There is never any need for this. The wars, fights and arguments can always be avoided. The bullying and teasing is never called for. There is never a need for violence. There is an old saying, that "violence is never the answer." This is true. It never is the answer. If all the violence stopped, the world would be a better place. People would live longer and be happier.

Bullying comes in loads of forms. Verbal, physical, mental etc. This is just people picking on others because they are different. It is wrong. If someone is different, it is a good thing. It means they are their own person. If everyone was the same, the world would be a very boring place. I believe it takes all types of people to make the world function. But unfortunately, some people do not agree with me. Most of the time in school, bullying happens because someone wears something different, likes something different, looks different. There is nothing wrong with being different. Difference is an amazing thing. Being different is what makes you you. It makes you human. If someone picks on you because of that, then they are a terrible person. More often than not, the people doing the bullying are picking on someone because they feel insecure about themselves. Perhaps because they have been bullied also. I do not understand why people bully others. I think that if everyone was kind to everyone and accepted everyone for who they are, the world would be a better place.

Wars are often caused by religion. If someone believes in something different, let them. It will not hurt you. Everyone believes in something. So what if someone believes something different? It makes no difference to anyone. Again, everyone is different. There is nothing wrong with it.

Love.

Love. Love is the thing that makes life worth living. It is the thing that makes the world go round. Without love, the world would be a very dark and dangerous place. Love is the best thing in the world. If everyone would show a little love, everyone would feel better. Love makes you feel good. It makes you believe in everything. Without love, life just would not be worth the fight. Bon Jovi once said "What do you got if you ain't got love? Whatever you got it just ain't enough." They were right. If you do not have love, what you have is not enough. Everybody needs love.

There are a lot of types of love. Paternal, maternal, romantic, homosexual, heterosexual, unrequited, eternal, reciprocal. The love for your family, the love for your partner, the love for someone, anyone. Never dying love. Returned love. Love is an amazing thing. It knows no boundaries. It is unstoppable. It is all conquering. It is an unstoppable force. It never dies.

When the planes hit the Twin Towers, the calls from the people inside were not ones of hate. They were ones of love. In our times of need, love is always there, just waiting to be found. When you do find it, you want to shout about it. You want the world to know that love does exist. You feel like shouting from the rooftops.

I think that if you look hard enough, you will find that love actually does exist.

Thank You

This isn't one of my usual blog posts where I ramble on about nothing. This is a blog post that means something. This is a blog post for everyone who has read this blog since I started. It is, quite simply, a thank you.

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has read my blog, everyone who has inspired me to write, who has spoken to me when I was down, who has raised me up when I thought I could never be happy again. It's been a busy few months since I last blogged. Lots of things have changed. Lots of things have happened. Quite simply, in a way, I have changed. I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has been there for me. There are too many people I could mention here, saying how they have helped me, what they mean to me. If you are reading this, you know if you are one of those people. If you are reading this and are not one of those people, in a way you are. That is because you have probably read my blog before now. Which, by the way, has had over one thousand views. Which is one reason why I am writing this.

But, other than my blog being read a lot of times, I just felt that I should say thank you to everyone who has helped me these last few months. There is not really a way to say this properly, so I will just say, thank you, from the bottom of my heart, to everyone.

Thank you.

Life to-do list.

This is a list of things I want to do in my life. Some normal, some odd, some fun, some serious, some completely random, some with deep meaning. I'll put Yes/No next to them to let you know if I have done them yet or not. These are not in any order, other than the order they come into my head.

1) Know someone truly amazing. Yes
2) Have a friend who I can tell anything and everything. Yes
3) Be fully independent. No
4) Fall in love. Yes
5) Have a proper job. Yes
6) Own a car. No
7) Own a house. No
8) Get married. No
9) Become international famous for something good. No
10) Learn to play the guitar. Sort of
11) Do a bungee jump. No
12) Go sky diving. No
13) Climb a mountain. No
14) Write and sing a song to someone. Sort of
15) Learn to sing. Sort of
16) Get the lead role in a theatre production. Yes
17) Direct a film/theatre show. No
18) Get very drunk. Yes
19) Have a hangover. Yes
20) Have a stag night like in the film The Hangover. No
21) Go to a stag night. No
22) Design clothes and get them produced. No
23) Get a world record. No
24) Host a party. Yes
25) Pass my GCSEs. YES!
26) Pass My A-Levels. No
27) Go through university. No
28) Go to Cambridge university. No
29) Become a vet. No
30) Own my own practise. No
31) Become rich. No
32) Win the lottery. No
33) Play the lottery. Yes
34) Save a life. No
35) Meet famous people. No
36) Save the world. No
37) Become a superhero. No
38) Find a cure for cancer. No
39) Invent something amazing. No
40) Play a song at Wembly. No
41) Play football for England. No
42) Play football for a professional club. No
43) Win the World Cup. No
44) Manage a football team. No
45) Dance well with the person I love. No
46) Take a hit for someone. No
47) Fight for something I believe in. No
48) Live in a different country. No
49) Go around the world. No
50) Live forever. No

That's my life to-do list. Let me know if anything on there is somethng that surprised you, is something you have done, is something you want to do, or is something that makes sense to you.

Until next time my dear friends, adios.

Things that are cool, and that are not.

This is a blog about things that people consider to be cool, and things that people consider not too be cool. This is not always what I think is cool, but what some people may consider cool.

"Cool" things:
Music. Sometimes what I consider "proper" music, with people actually playing it. Sometimes drum and bass and computerised music. I will not go back into that. I have already done a whole blog about it. If you haven't read it already, just look through my previous posts.
Clothes. Again, it really is a matter of opinion as to what style of clothing is cool. Maybe I will do a blog about that some time. Keep watching.
Holidays. Time to mess around with people, time to do nothing, time to do something, time to go places, time to do pretty much whatever you want to do.
People. Famous, not famous, nice, good looking, funny etc. Again, it is a matter of opinion as too who is cool.
Social networking sites. Twitter in my opinion is best, and most of the people who will read this will probably agree with me.
Television. Yet again, it is just a matter of opinion as to what kind of television is cool.
Sport. In my opinion anyway.
Games. Not necessarily computer games, but sometimes board games, such as Monopoly. That game is amazing.
Actually having a life. Where you go out and see friends, go to social events, just being with people you like.
Peace. That is probably the coolest thing of all. Not pointless killing of innocent people.
Lava lamps. I do not care what you say about them, they are cool. End of. Along with bow ties, fez's and stetsons.

"Uncool" things:
Being a person who does not care about anyone other than themselves. These people are the people who tell you to change the way you are. These are the people who try to make you do things for them. These are the people you do not want to know.
Two faced people and people who lie. Enough said on that.
Crime. It is bad. Do not do it.
Being smart. Apparently. I do not think that this is "uncool", however, some people, the less intelligent people of this world, think that it is "uncool" to be smart. I think that being clever is probably one of the coolest things that you can be.
Not understanding something. I get this a lot. It is not cool.
Paedophiles. Just no.
Men who hit women. You do not deserve life.
Cheating. On your girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband. Not cool. Or in games. Also not cool.
Terminal illness. One of the least cool things in the world.
War. The pointless killing of innocent people. The endless fighting over resources and differences in opinion.
Global warming. And the fact that we are basically refusing to do anything about it. We need to fix this.
Death. Enough said.


Please let me know if you think that there is anything I have missed out in my list of cool and uncool things. This is a rather quickly put together blog and I do not know if it is that good. Let me know.