Humanity

Recently there has been a whole lot of bad stuff happening. And it's starting to annoy me.
Let's get one thing straight: We are all human and thus we are all equal. That is how it works. Everyone comes into the world in the same way and goes out in the same way. You start and end as equals. Why should that be any different in the middle? You are born, you live and then you die. And who is anyone to say that you are any less than someone else? You cannot just decide someone's life is worth less because of their race, or gender, or religion or sexual orientation. You are only human. No one has the right to determine the value of another persons life. It doesn't work like that.
Recently, while on Twitter I have seen some disgusting comments towards Muslims. Let me make a few things very clear:
1) Not all Muslims are terrorists.
2) Not all terrorists are Muslim.
3) You cannot say that all Muslims should be kicked out of the country because of a terrorist attack.
Now, while you are entitled to your opinion, I would like to say this: If you read those three points back, but replace the word Muslim with "black", see just how bad that sounds. Islamophobia is the new racism. And, if I recall correctly, racism is something that was horribly wrong and still is. The real question here is: Why do people deem it okay to discriminate towards Muslims? Any thoughts? And yes, there are some Muslim extremists out there. But, the actions of the few do not reflect the thoughts of the many. A lot of the Muslims living in England were born in England and have just as much right to be here as anyone. So, before history starts to repeat itself with Muslims instead of blacks, can we please take a moment to realise that this is ridiculous and needs to stop?

The Meltdown

So, today, I was in the library at sixth form, attempting some media work. It wasn't going well. People were talking about things. Things like a-levels, work and the future. And I started thinking. Which is where it all went wrong.

I started to think about how I am getting the lowest grades in my classes. I'm getting Bs and Cs, but everyone else is getting As, which makes me feel like I'm not good enough to be in the class. Which I didn't need help with. Recently, I did a practical drama exam and I thought I'd done pretty well. I thought I had done just as well as the rest of the people in my group. I was wrong. I got a B while everyone else got nearly 100%. I know that getting a B isn't bad, in fact, it's pretty good, but when I was the lowest grade in the class, it makes me feel pretty useless and rubbish. So, that's the drama part of the problem. Along with struggling with the media work, I am behind on psychology and don't understand what I'm doing in English language. Basically, I'm really struggling with my a-levels. This is my second attempt at them, having really messed up last year. I thought this year was going well until recently.

So, onto the work part. Basically, I've not been working nearly enough hours to earn anything. This isn't through choice. It's just that there has been nothing happening and I've been sent home after about an hour every night I've worked. I'm worried about not having any money, because I've got a car to run and I can't do that without money. Plus, I need things for sixth form and sometimes I just want to be able to go out with friends. More things I can't do without money. This also leads on to the next paragraph:

The future is a scary thing. I don't know what it holds. But, with what I've said previously, I feel like I'm probably going to have problems in the future. If I can't get the grades I need to get into university, I won't be able to get into the job I want. Which means I won't be able to support my family in future. I don't want to be in a position where I cannot support my family. I don't want to be in the same dead end job, struggling to support my family. While people at sixth form were joking about this today, I started to get worried about not being good enough for the family I will hopefully have in the future.

This is where I started to have my meltdown. I was thinking about this all far too much and started to get panicked and got more and more stressed. And then I stopped being able to function properly. I hated every moment of it. I had to go outside for a walk to try and calm down, but it had messed me up for the whole day. I couldn't focus on anything. I went home early and just had real problems with anything. And now I am writing this, reliving it again. I felt like I needed to write it somewhere and hopefully this will help.

The end.

Alone.

So, I'm back for yet another depressing blog post. Leave now if you want to stay happy.

Basically, I feel alone. Where ever I go, whoever I'm with, I feel alone. I can be at sixth form surrounded by people and still feel like I'm alone. It feels like I don't fit in anywhere. At sixth form I'd rather just wonder around the school on my own than sit with the people who are supposed to be my friends. At home I prefer to sit in my room alone with my headphones in instead of being with my family.

I know why this has happened. I got close to someone. I thought that something might work out for me. Again, of course, I was wrong. And now I can't be around people. I feel like I need to be on my own constantly. I don't want to go to sixth form, I don't want to go to work, I don't want to go to parties. I don't want to do anything other than sleep and listen to music. I cannot function. I cannot do anything. I just want to give up. I just want to drop everything. There is no point in me continuing on with this complete lie I'm living. I put on a brave face everyday at sixth form, at work, at drama, at home. But, inside, I'm broken beyond repair. I've let everyone down enough as it is, it wouldn't matter if I just stopped. Just stopped everything. Give up.

I feel like complete shit everyday and it's because I don't deserve to feel good. I just fuck up everyone who gets close to me. If I let someone in, they get hurt and it's all my fault. I mess with people's feelings and heads and I don't mean to. I'm just that fucking stupid. I hurt people and don't realise I'm doing it. I say something or do something and don't realise just what effect it has on someone. I am basically selfish. And I don't mean to be. I just cannot do anything without hurting people.

And, to top it off, I've managed to push away the two people I thought I would always be friends with. I went and fucked up again. They had already forgiven me for so much, but this time I went too far. I crossed that line. And now I can't go back. I've managed to ruin the most important friendships I've ever had. I can never get that back. And no matter what I do, I will never forgive myself for what I've put these people through. They deserve better than me. They're better off without me in their lives. I can't ever forgive myself. I've hurt people who were nothing but kind and caring to me. I took their trust in me and ruined it. I let them get close, I got close with them, we got close and then I hurt them. I hurt them so badly that they will never want to see or hear from me again. And I don't blame them. What I did was wrong. What I did hurt them. Hurt them badly. And no matter how much I say sorry, it will never be enough. I will never forgive myself and they will never forgive me.

I no longer have a friend to turn too. I no longer have someone to confide in. I no longer have someone to make me feel better. I've blown everything and it is my fault. No one else's. Just me. I wish there was something I could do to fix things, but there isn't.

And if any of those people are reading this, I want you to know I'm sorry. Sorry for everything. And I hope your life is better without me, because, let's face it, it will be. Goodbye.

Growing up

This is something I noticed the other day:

The people I know and love are going off to university, college, sixth form, starting work, having serious relationships etc. I still think of these people as the people I first met. The young, innocent people I knew years ago. People I know and have know for years are going to parties, drinking, having sex etc. These people are my age and when I met most of them, they were 11/12/13/14. It's scary to think how much time has passed in what seems like the short amount of time I've known them. It's scary how much people have changed. Time is moving too fast. I can't get my head around the fact that the kids I knew are becoming adults and so am I. When we were younger, we had all the time in the world. Now, everything is rushed. Everything happens so quickly. There doesn't seem to be time to just meet up with old friends and be together like before. We used to be carefree. Not knowing what was coming next and not caring. Now we still don't know what's next, but we always think about it. It's insane. It seems that time is going faster and faster and we're rushing through everything. We need to slow down and realise that growing up isn't all it's made up to be. It's scary. In a few years everyone I know will be at university or working somewhere. Where does the time go? If we could slow down and just take a moment to realise how much has happened so quickly, I think that everyone would feel the same.

So, if time would slow down, I'd be very grateful.

About Me 3

So, I haven't posted anything on here for quite a while. I don't really have an excuse for not doing so. I guess exams took up some time, but other than that, I've done nothing. I'll do another list of stuff about me, because that's easiest.

1)  I have started using Tumblr. And I use it all the time.
2) I haven't seen anyone from school in over a month now.
3) I basically failed my first year at sixth form.
4) I have now changed my subjects from biology, chemistry and maths to drama, media, psychology and English language.
5) My goal in life is now to make it in theatre.
6) I've changed a lot since the last time I wrote a list like this.
7) I am still part of my drama group.
8) I will have to leave after the next show because I will be too old to be part of it anymore.
9) I really don't want to leave.
10) My drama group has been part of my life for 8 years now.
11) I genuinely love it there.
12) I feel like the people from sixth form don't like me, but I don't really care anymore.
13) I jump to conclusions.
14) There is a constant stream of rubbish in my brain.
15) I would like to design T-Shirts or something like that.
16) I am still not gay.
17) I would like to say that I've become a better person, but I don't think that I've improved that much.
18) I am still working on becoming a better person.
19) I still dance, sing and act.
20) Still not capable of doing solos.
21) But I think I am getting better at it.
22) I have spent the last month of my life watching friends.
23) I haven't been out that much at all.
24) I basically only drink Pepsi.
25) I have started going to the gym in an attempt to get fit.
26) I get embarrassed easily.
27) I am still writing lyrics that will never have music to them.
28) I want to be more creative.
29) I can't draw.
30) I over think everything.
31) I really want a tattoo.
32) I'm not interesting.
33) People think I'm worth talking to. I'm not.
34) People think I'm good looking. I'm not.
35) I get offended easily.
36) I believe in God.
37) I get distracted easily.
38) I get sad easily.
39) My head is a messed up space.
40) I only ever write sad songs because every time I try to write a happy one, it's just cringey and I want to throw up.
41) I have a job at Domino's Pizza.
42) I don't spend much money because if I start I won't stop.
43) I always listen to music.
44) I dislike most people.
45) I prefer my girlfriend's friends to my own.
46) I don't ever have much to say.
47) The 6th/7th of every month is my favourite day of the month.
48) I will try and update this more often.
49) This will probably not happen.
50) I love my girlfriend.

Social Awkwardness

Right, so here is the thing. I am useless when it comes to using words to express how I feel. Every time I want to say something about my feelings, I have to spend ages thinking of the words I want to use. I cannot express myself properly. I write song lyrics a lot, as you may have seen. I have posted two songs onto here. In my opinion they are the only ones that aren't incredibly depressing or are half decent. In fact, one of the songs I posted is rather depressing and worrying. The rest of my songs are very depressing and/or are terribly written and shall never been seen by another human being. There is a reason why I spend so much time on them, it unfortunately does not seem to be to make the lyrics any good. All of my lyrics are depressing (excluding perhaps two songs). They nearly all involve breaking up with someone and the feeling of regret and not being good enough. Apart from one, which is about 'moving on'. In my head, it was meant to be about moving on. In the end it turned into yet another song about how I am not good enough and how this person (who shall remain nameless) will be better off now. I try to write happy songs about love and friendship and other happy things, but I cannot do it. When I try, the words just sound terrible and fake.

Another aspect of my struggling with words comes into real life. Or, at least, when I am trying to talk via text/msn/twitter etc. I have to think about everything I say. I struggle to be able to just talk. I am so socially awkward that I can hardly talk even when I am not face to face with someone. Some people it is easier to talk to than others. Other people I am there struggling to say something that they will not be offended by. I am always too scared to say things because I feel like I will scare people away from me. I try to stay friends with people and not to freak them out with my general insanity. I have real trouble explaining how I feel, even to those I am closest too. The ones who I should be easily able to tell how I feel. I cannot explain myself properly. I wish I could explain how I feel to people. I wish I could tell people how I feel about them. How I feel about myself. Anything.

That is only when I am not talking face to face. When I talk face to face I am so utterly useless, it is a miracle anyone ever wants to talk to me. I cannot communicate properly with people in real life. If I am with someone and they introduce me to someone I have never met, I will say hello and then be quite the whole rest of the time they talk. I find it impossible to hold a conversation. There are few people I can talk to for a decent length of time. I just am so socially awkward that I cannot say hello if I see someone I know unless they talk to me first. I cannot start a conversation. I just feel like I am intruding and interrupting their lives. My self worth is so low that I do not see why anyone would want to talk to me.

Another thing that is effects is my trying to get anything from a shop. I always feel bad as if I am putting the person at the counter out by buying something. I cannot look them in the face. I feel like I have made them do something they would not have had to do otherwise. If I cannot find something in a shop, I will not ask where it is, I will just not get it.

I never leave the house without my headphones or my hat. I feel like if I have them, people are not likely to judge me or try and verbally abuse me, like at sixth form. At sixth form I always have my hat on and headphones in. I figure that if I cannot hear them, then they are not saying anything. My hat provides me with something to hide under. People see the hat, not me. It saves me from everyone noticing me. I feel safe with my hat. It is a defence thing. I cannot explain it, but I will not leave the house without my hat and headphones. Music is my way of escaping from the world. If I have music playing, I feel so much better, because it keeps me calm. If I did not have music, I would go insane. I would have to deal with everything the world has to throw at me. Music keeps it all at bay, at least for a little while.

Now, I know that this seems very much like a typical teenage blog. That would be because it is. Unfortunatly, it is how I am. I wish I could change myself, but I cannot. I cannot do anything about this. I do not work well in social situations. That is all. Goodbye for now.

About me part 2.

So this is an updated version of my 'About me' post. A fair bit has changed since I wrote the other post. If you want to see this post, click this link: http://thehappeningsofhart.blogspot.com/2011/06/about-me.html

1) I am nearly always on Twitter.
2) I prefer people on twitter to people in real life.
3) I do not like my 'friends' at school.
4) I am not going to go into the details about that here.
5) I nearly always have music playing.
6) I am really struggling with sixth form.
7) I am taking biology, chemistry and maths.
8) I had to drop drama in an attempt to keep up with my other subjects.
9) I wish I had chosen a different life path.
10) I would prefer to be doing something musical/theatrical.
11) I am still part of the same drama club. And I still love it.
12) I don't feel like I fit in at sixth form.
13) The people there don't give me any respect.
14) This is why I do not like them. Which kind of makes point 4 invalid.
15) I seem to be unable of logical thought.
16) I have a constant monologue going in my brain.
17) I am a bit odd.
18) I am still interested in fashion.
19) I am not gay. I know someone assumed that.
20) Most of the people at school think I am gay.
21) I am trying to become a better person.
22) I still dance and act.
23) I still love singing.
24) I still can't do solos.
25) My solos are limited to my bedroom.
26) I am currently working on choreographing a dance to Remembering Sunday by All Time Low.
27) Remembering Sunday is one of my favourite songs.
28) If I were to sing a solo, it would probably be Crash by You Me At Six.
29) My favourite bands are You Me At Six, All Time Low, Paramore, Bon Jovi and Nirvana.
30) I am not stupid, I know Nirvana are no long around.
31) I think that anyone who thinks Nirvana are still producing albums is an idiot.
32) People seem to think that I am good looking.
33) I disagree.
34) I hate racism, homophobia, sexism, and the word 'retard'
35) I get very offended when people at school are racist/homophobic/sexist or use the word 'retard'
36) I've asked them to stop, but they will not listen to me.
37) I have given up with trying to get them to listen to me.
38) I am no longer an atheist.
39) In fact, I now believe in God and Christianity.
40) I get annoyed when people insult Christians.
41) I need to get out more.
42) I never have enough money.
43) I do not think that I am very interesting.
44) Others disagree with me. I don't know why.
45) I keep a diary. It is just a place for me to write things I don't ever want anyone else to see.
46) I love my girlfriend.


Let me know what you think about all of this.

Until next time, adios mi amigos!

My Self Doubt

Again, it's been about a month since I last posted anything, for which I am sorry. Well, here is my newest post. It's basically about why I am not an interesting person. It's about my self doubt. You will see as this blog goes on what it is really about.
Basically, I do not think I am a very interesting person. I am not talented, good looking, smart, funny or anything. I do not think I have even been interesting. I do not think that I am talented, good looking, smart or funny, despite what people say. I do not see what others see in me. I know that it sounds like I am attention seeking, but I am really not. I actually feel this way about myself. I do not like myself.

And then there is my self doubt. I always doubt myself when it comes to everything. I doubt my intelligence, I doubt my choices, I doubt everything. It affects everything. It causes me to get depressed. It causes me to think about myself. Which leads to more depression. It always ends badly for me. I always over think everything. It is the reason for me ending up loosing friends. I always doubt myself in relationships. I never think that I am good enough. I always think that I am second choice to anyone and everyone. I think that everyone and everything is better than me. I do not know why I feel like this, but I do. I wish I felt more positively about myself, but unfortunatly, I do not.

I would like to point out that I am not attention seeking, I do feel this way about myself. This is really just a way of me venting my self doubt and loathing so that it is not all pent up inside me. Sorry if I depress you, but if I do, do not read this blog post.

Goodbye for now.

Maybe It's Just Me

So, here is another set of lyrics I have written. I write lyrics a lot because I find that doing so helps me get all of my emotions and thoughts sorted into a way that I can fully control them. This is more or less a song about my self doubt. So, without further delay, here it goes:

I can't write a song,
The way it should be,
Maybe I'm just not good enough,
Maybe it's just me.

I want to sing a song,
One like I've never sung before,
Maybe I'm just not good enough,
Maybe it's just me.

I can't find the words,
To express how I feel,
And it really hurts,
Maybe that's the deal.

I look around for inspiration,
But nothing sparks my imagination,
I can't get it right,
I don't want to fight,
The words don't rhyme,
I can't keep time.

This ain't a good song,
This ain't nothing special,
There ain't no hope,
Maybe I'm just not good enough,
Maybe it's just me.

For once I want to be good enough,
But maybe I'm just not good enough,
Maybe it's just me.

Who am I?
Who am I?
Who am I?
Who am I?
I don't know anymore.

All these thoughts going round my head,
They make me wish I was dead,
I've lost who I am,
Does anyone give a damn?
I don't know who I am,
Who am I?
Maybe I'm just not good enough,
Maybe it's just me.

Perhaps if I tried,
Perhaps if I cried,
Perhaps if I died,
I should,
I would,
I could,
But what good would it be?
I'd still be me.
I'm just not good enough,
I'm just me.

It's been said that opposites attract,
If that's true, am I the same?
Or am I different too?
Maybe I'm just not good enough,
Maybe it's just me.

There is nothing I can do,
To make it all seem true,
People say they love me for me,
Then why is it so hard to see?
Am I just blind?
Maybe I'm just not good enough,
Maybe it's just me.


I can't take this anymore.
And you've all closed your doors.
I had so much to gain.
But it ended in pain.
I want to die.
But I can't say goodbye.
All of this.
It takes the piss.
Maybe it's just me.

I'm sat on my own as always,
Even when I'm surrounded by people, I feel alone,
Maybe I'm just not good enough,
Maybe it's just me.



So, there it is. My song. There is nothing more I can say about it, so I hope you enjoy it and please let me know what you think of it.

Until next time, goodbye my friends.

Scream It From The Rooftops

This is a song I wrote last month and I've only just decided that I want to show someone. I decided that the best way to show someone was to post it here. This is somewhere where people who do not necessarily know me can read what I put and tell me about it. There is a lot of meaning in this song, which you will probably pick up on. So, here it goes:

Scream It From The Rooftops

Here we go again.
Only this time it won't end in pain.
The love we know can only grow.
I want to scream it from the rooftops.
But any move and it may break.
I want to scream it from the rooftops.
But I'm afraid someone might hear.

There is nothing more I want.
All I want is right here beside me.
We can be all we want to be.

And here we go again.
Only this time it won't end in pain.
The love we know can only grow.
I want to scream it from the rooftops.
But any more and it may break.
I want to scream it from the rooftops.
But I'm afraid someone may hear.

But don't be afraid my dear,
You've got nothing to fear.
I'll never let this go.
Even when the winds blow.
This'll never end.
Even when we're in the deep end.

So here we go again.
Only this time it won't end in pain.
The love we know can only grow.
I want to scream it from the rooftops.
But any move and it may break.
I want to scream it from the rooftops.
But I'm afraid someone will hear.

And as I look at you,
I realise there's nothing to fear.

So I scream it from the rooftops.
I know it won't break.
I scream it from the rooftops.
I want someone to hear.
I scream from the rooftops.

Thank you.

Love And Hate

Love and hate is a very big topic, so I probably will not cover all of it. This is just going to be about smaller parts of it. I will try to not sound like a hippy.

Hate.

There is a lot of hate in the world. There is too much hate in the world. There are always wars, fights, arguments, break ups and shouting matches going on. There is always bullying, teasing, swearing and violence happening. There is never any need for this. The wars, fights and arguments can always be avoided. The bullying and teasing is never called for. There is never a need for violence. There is an old saying, that "violence is never the answer." This is true. It never is the answer. If all the violence stopped, the world would be a better place. People would live longer and be happier.

Bullying comes in loads of forms. Verbal, physical, mental etc. This is just people picking on others because they are different. It is wrong. If someone is different, it is a good thing. It means they are their own person. If everyone was the same, the world would be a very boring place. I believe it takes all types of people to make the world function. But unfortunately, some people do not agree with me. Most of the time in school, bullying happens because someone wears something different, likes something different, looks different. There is nothing wrong with being different. Difference is an amazing thing. Being different is what makes you you. It makes you human. If someone picks on you because of that, then they are a terrible person. More often than not, the people doing the bullying are picking on someone because they feel insecure about themselves. Perhaps because they have been bullied also. I do not understand why people bully others. I think that if everyone was kind to everyone and accepted everyone for who they are, the world would be a better place.

Wars are often caused by religion. If someone believes in something different, let them. It will not hurt you. Everyone believes in something. So what if someone believes something different? It makes no difference to anyone. Again, everyone is different. There is nothing wrong with it.

Love.

Love. Love is the thing that makes life worth living. It is the thing that makes the world go round. Without love, the world would be a very dark and dangerous place. Love is the best thing in the world. If everyone would show a little love, everyone would feel better. Love makes you feel good. It makes you believe in everything. Without love, life just would not be worth the fight. Bon Jovi once said "What do you got if you ain't got love? Whatever you got it just ain't enough." They were right. If you do not have love, what you have is not enough. Everybody needs love.

There are a lot of types of love. Paternal, maternal, romantic, homosexual, heterosexual, unrequited, eternal, reciprocal. The love for your family, the love for your partner, the love for someone, anyone. Never dying love. Returned love. Love is an amazing thing. It knows no boundaries. It is unstoppable. It is all conquering. It is an unstoppable force. It never dies.

When the planes hit the Twin Towers, the calls from the people inside were not ones of hate. They were ones of love. In our times of need, love is always there, just waiting to be found. When you do find it, you want to shout about it. You want the world to know that love does exist. You feel like shouting from the rooftops.

I think that if you look hard enough, you will find that love actually does exist.

Thank You

This isn't one of my usual blog posts where I ramble on about nothing. This is a blog post that means something. This is a blog post for everyone who has read this blog since I started. It is, quite simply, a thank you.

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has read my blog, everyone who has inspired me to write, who has spoken to me when I was down, who has raised me up when I thought I could never be happy again. It's been a busy few months since I last blogged. Lots of things have changed. Lots of things have happened. Quite simply, in a way, I have changed. I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has been there for me. There are too many people I could mention here, saying how they have helped me, what they mean to me. If you are reading this, you know if you are one of those people. If you are reading this and are not one of those people, in a way you are. That is because you have probably read my blog before now. Which, by the way, has had over one thousand views. Which is one reason why I am writing this.

But, other than my blog being read a lot of times, I just felt that I should say thank you to everyone who has helped me these last few months. There is not really a way to say this properly, so I will just say, thank you, from the bottom of my heart, to everyone.

Thank you.

Life to-do list.

This is a list of things I want to do in my life. Some normal, some odd, some fun, some serious, some completely random, some with deep meaning. I'll put Yes/No next to them to let you know if I have done them yet or not. These are not in any order, other than the order they come into my head.

1) Know someone truly amazing. Yes
2) Have a friend who I can tell anything and everything. Yes
3) Be fully independent. No
4) Fall in love. Yes
5) Have a proper job. Yes
6) Own a car. No
7) Own a house. No
8) Get married. No
9) Become international famous for something good. No
10) Learn to play the guitar. Sort of
11) Do a bungee jump. No
12) Go sky diving. No
13) Climb a mountain. No
14) Write and sing a song to someone. Sort of
15) Learn to sing. Sort of
16) Get the lead role in a theatre production. Yes
17) Direct a film/theatre show. No
18) Get very drunk. Yes
19) Have a hangover. Yes
20) Have a stag night like in the film The Hangover. No
21) Go to a stag night. No
22) Design clothes and get them produced. No
23) Get a world record. No
24) Host a party. Yes
25) Pass my GCSEs. YES!
26) Pass My A-Levels. No
27) Go through university. No
28) Go to Cambridge university. No
29) Become a vet. No
30) Own my own practise. No
31) Become rich. No
32) Win the lottery. No
33) Play the lottery. Yes
34) Save a life. No
35) Meet famous people. No
36) Save the world. No
37) Become a superhero. No
38) Find a cure for cancer. No
39) Invent something amazing. No
40) Play a song at Wembly. No
41) Play football for England. No
42) Play football for a professional club. No
43) Win the World Cup. No
44) Manage a football team. No
45) Dance well with the person I love. No
46) Take a hit for someone. No
47) Fight for something I believe in. No
48) Live in a different country. No
49) Go around the world. No
50) Live forever. No

That's my life to-do list. Let me know if anything on there is somethng that surprised you, is something you have done, is something you want to do, or is something that makes sense to you.

Until next time my dear friends, adios.

Things that are cool, and that are not.

This is a blog about things that people consider to be cool, and things that people consider not too be cool. This is not always what I think is cool, but what some people may consider cool.

"Cool" things:
Music. Sometimes what I consider "proper" music, with people actually playing it. Sometimes drum and bass and computerised music. I will not go back into that. I have already done a whole blog about it. If you haven't read it already, just look through my previous posts.
Clothes. Again, it really is a matter of opinion as to what style of clothing is cool. Maybe I will do a blog about that some time. Keep watching.
Holidays. Time to mess around with people, time to do nothing, time to do something, time to go places, time to do pretty much whatever you want to do.
People. Famous, not famous, nice, good looking, funny etc. Again, it is a matter of opinion as too who is cool.
Social networking sites. Twitter in my opinion is best, and most of the people who will read this will probably agree with me.
Television. Yet again, it is just a matter of opinion as to what kind of television is cool.
Sport. In my opinion anyway.
Games. Not necessarily computer games, but sometimes board games, such as Monopoly. That game is amazing.
Actually having a life. Where you go out and see friends, go to social events, just being with people you like.
Peace. That is probably the coolest thing of all. Not pointless killing of innocent people.
Lava lamps. I do not care what you say about them, they are cool. End of. Along with bow ties, fez's and stetsons.

"Uncool" things:
Being a person who does not care about anyone other than themselves. These people are the people who tell you to change the way you are. These are the people who try to make you do things for them. These are the people you do not want to know.
Two faced people and people who lie. Enough said on that.
Crime. It is bad. Do not do it.
Being smart. Apparently. I do not think that this is "uncool", however, some people, the less intelligent people of this world, think that it is "uncool" to be smart. I think that being clever is probably one of the coolest things that you can be.
Not understanding something. I get this a lot. It is not cool.
Paedophiles. Just no.
Men who hit women. You do not deserve life.
Cheating. On your girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband. Not cool. Or in games. Also not cool.
Terminal illness. One of the least cool things in the world.
War. The pointless killing of innocent people. The endless fighting over resources and differences in opinion.
Global warming. And the fact that we are basically refusing to do anything about it. We need to fix this.
Death. Enough said.


Please let me know if you think that there is anything I have missed out in my list of cool and uncool things. This is a rather quickly put together blog and I do not know if it is that good. Let me know.

About me.

I'm basically just going to write loads of facts about me. No real reason, I just thought that the people who read this might want to know a little about me. This will probably take a while for me to write, because I can never think of anything about myself.
1) I tend to ramble a lot in my blog posts, as you probably already know.
2) I am almost constantly on Twitter and Facebook.
3) I prefer Twitter to Facebook, because it actually gets updated and the people on it are just generally nicer.
4) I am, at the time of writing, doing my GCSEs. And they are a pain in the whatsits.
5) I am bizarrely looking forward to sixth form, even though I think that I will struggle.
6) I am taking biology, chemistry, maths and drama.
7) I am only taking drama because I found out that I do not need physics to go to university, and I also found out that you do not need a GCSE in drama to do it at A-Level. Also, I enjoy drama.
8) I am in a drama club, and I love it.
9) I am not looking forward to when I will have to leave it.
10) I also really enjoy pretty much everything to do with sport. Watching or playing. And I enjoy pretty much every sport. But not golf or curling. Those bore the living daylights out of me.
11) I need to get back into some form of sport, or go to the gym more often.
12) I am a proud fan of Arsenal, Bristol City, Middlesex County Cricket Club, Somerset County Cricket Club and the Green Bay Packers.
13) I get very annoyed with sports. Especially whenever England play some form of sport. And I will shout abuse at the players. A lot.
14) Most of my friends do not enjoy sport. Or most of the things I like for that matter.
15) I do not feel that I really fit in anywhere.
16) I am always looking to improve myself.
17) I am always trying to help people in need, even if I am just someone to talk to.
18) I need to get a proper job soon. A paper round does not cover what I need.
19) I love music.
20) Most of my thoughts do not go in any particular order most of the time. As you can probably tell by the blog post.
21) I am always on the look out for new music. Either from bands I listen to a lot, or bands that I have never heard of.
22) I am interested in fashion.
23) I am not gay for those of you who assumed that from my last fact.
24) I am having to look back through these facts to make sure I do not say something twice.
25) I should probably be revising right now.
26) I have 17 GCSE exams this year. And it is silly. Some people have already finished theirs.
27) I act and dance.
28) I kind of sing, but only in groups really.
29) I want to be able to do solos, but I do not feel that I have the ability or confidence to do so.
30) I am thinking about doing some charity work during the summer. Probably not officially, but I will raise some money for a charity somehow.
31) That charity will probably be Macmillan Cancer Support.
32) I sort of play the guitar. Not very well, but I can play a little.
33) I am trying to form a guitar duo with one of my friends. It is unlikely to keep going, but I would like to have a go at it.
34) I have a non-biological sister, who I love dearly.
35) I won my phone from Pepsi Max. I was very surprised and happy when I found out.
36) I always have my phone with me. It is my music player and contact device.
37) The only time that I am not listening to music is during school hours when I have lessons.
38) I love books.
39) I have not read much recently due to the fact I have been revising and very tired.
40) I actually have two books on the go, but I just have not got time to read them.
41) I am quite jumpy.
42) I am very, very ticklish.
43) I am apparently funny and good-looking.
44) I am not entirely sure about these two things.
45) I feel that I need to do more to look after my body.
46) I once broke my leg. It was not fun. Being on crutches for three months is not fun. Especially when you want to play football and dance.
47) My legs are actually different lengths. My right leg is longer than my left.
48) I am not very flexible.
49) I am interested in photography.
50) Unfortunately, I cannot take good photos to save my life.
51) I have shaky hands.
52) I do not think that I really have a best friend.
53) I am apparently one of the more popular people in my friendship group.
54) I am again not entirely sure about this.
55) I try to get along with people as much as possible.
56) I hate it when people judge me without getting to know me first.
57) I have a big, dopey black lab. I love my dog.
58) I read Esquire magazine. It is pretty interesting.
59) I have tried to get my blog post on Music published in a newspaper.
60) I have not had a reply, so I am guessing that they will not be printing it.
61) I want to be a vet.
62) I like to party.
63) My friends get annoyed at me for not going to their parties when I am somewhere else.
64) I then get annoyed with them for that.
65) I get annoyed far too easily.
66) That is something I do not like about myself. How annoyed I get and how quickly.
67) I am awkward.
68) I am a bit of a nerd. And I am proud of it.
69) I wish I was a little more interesting.
70) I actually giggled slightly at the number of my last fact.
71) I am rather immature.
72) I am a bit of a movie geek.
73) I am a Gleek.
74) I am proud of being a Gleek.
75) I am not considered to be straight by most of the people in my friendship group because of the way I act, or the things I like.
76) I hate it when people say things like that.
77) I hate homophobia.
78) I have strong opinions about most things.
79) I will try to get both sides of a story before deciding what I think about it.
80) I am basically addicted to Pepsi Max.
81) I am a strong atheist.
82) I want to be able to do some form of dramatic gesture to the people that I love.
83) I will do anything for the people I love.
84) I hate racism.
85) I hate sexism.
86) I have a lot of respect for women.
87) I will listen to anyone's problems and try to help in anyway I can.
88) I will probably have a different friendship group in sixth form due to my current friendship group not being very accepting of how I am.
89) I was struggling last year with my GCSEs.
90) I am struggling to think of anything else to put.
91) I do not like to leave things at strange numbers. Such as volume on the radio. It has to be a multiple of either three or five.
92) I tend to be a bit slow when it comes to pretty much everything.
93) My favourite bands right now are You Me At Six, Paramore, Biffy Clyro, 30 Seconds To Mars, The Script, Bon Jovi and Francis Fear.
94) I have only seen Bon Jovi and Francis Fear live.
95) I actually know a member of Francis Fear well.
96) I want to go to more concerts or festivals.
97) I want to do more things which are interesting.
98) I always try my best.
99) Sometimes my best is not good enough.
100) I hate it when I feel that I am not good enough.
101) Most of these facts either lead on in some way from one another, or have no reference to anything said previously.
102) I have pretty much run out of things to say about myself.
103) I will do two more random ones just to make sure that the number is a multiple of three or five.
104) I need to get out more.
105) I cannot smile on demand.
106) I spend too much money.
107) I think that my music taste is quite varied.
108) I mess up everything good that comes into my life.
109) If you do not want to get hurt, I suggest you stay away from me.
110) I am single.


Let me know what you think about me from these facts on Twitter or Facebook. Or comment below. Whatever is easiest for you. Adios.

The Year 11 Ball (Part 2)

This was going to be a blog of three parts. Part 1, the build up to the ball. Part 2, the actual ball itself. Part 3, what happens afterwards i.e. The after ball party, and what happens when you wake up from that. But I did not go to an afterball party, due to lack of voice, not wanting to be hungover for my drama group the next day, and leading on from that one, not wanting to be the only sober person at the party. So this has become a blog of two parts.

So, the day of the ball. Get home, get showered, get shaved and get ready. In that order. After having done all that, in full ball tuxedo, get into the car, and go to your friends house so you can get your limo/car to the ball. This is when it starts to get really exciting, because you have realised that this is actually happening. When everybody has turned up, the limo arrives, and you high five everybody. Well, at least, that is what my group did. So, we climb into the limo and smile like madmen, because it looks amazing. The leather seats, the lights, the drinks glasses, the drinks holders. The driver passes a couple of bottles down the limo. Non-alocoholic, of course, with us being underage, and it being illegal. *cough* But anyway, we have drinks, and as the limo starts to move, we start to pour the drinks. Maybe we could have poured them before the limo was moving, but we were excited and not really thinking about that. I had the honour of pouring the drinks. They make it look very easy in the movies. It is not. The limo going around corners, stopping, starting, and going over bumps in the road made it very hard, but I did it. Of course, we had loud music playing, with a heavy bass line. Not my choice, I hasten to add, but I went with it. So, when we all had our grape juice (that is what it was), we made a toast. To the future. Then we sat back and enjoyed the ride.

When we got to our school, which is where the ball was being held. Yeah, yeah, I know, not terribly fun or exciting to have it at school, but that is not the point. As we got out of the limo, there we people behind barriers cheering. I was quite surprised at the fact so many of the year 10 girls were there, and that they all knew me. I found this odd, yet nice at the same time. We had our pictures taken next to the limo, and then went to mingle with the other people who had already turned up. We were the third group to have turned up, so there wasn't many people to talk to yet. That soon changed as time went on. People were turning up in limos, fancy cars, motorbikes, buses, a boat, tractors, a trolley, and most interestingly of all, a tank. That was quite something. To see a tank rolling up with people from my school in was very impressive. There was lots of noise from everyone, as we all mingled around, the boys in tuxedos and suits, the girls in amazing dresses, looking stunning, waiting for the walk up to begin.

The walk up through the school was amazing. We had a drummer and a bagpipe player (I do not know what you call one of those. A bagpipist? A bagpipper? I do not know) in front of us as we walked past the people on the sides. It was quite something. Walking past lots of people with your date holding your arm. Very nice. As we walked past everybody into the hall, we saw that it had been transformed from the dull, plain usual hall, into an amazingly decorated hall, with all of our year seven pictures playing on a slide show. That bit was very funny. We walked in a spiral to get into our three circles that we would dance in. I was in the inner cicrle. We realise just how many people were in our year at that point. The dancing would be fun, with the girls in long dresses. You can probably guess what happened when we started dancing. Yes, that's right. The dresses got stood on. Not by me, but by the girls wearing the dresses, or the girls next to them. So, we did the waltz, the salsa, the tango and the cha cha cha. Non of these were to hard, but in a small space, and with dresses and tuxedos, they became just that little bit harder. But we went through that without anything going wrong. We clapped, and then the party really started.

We had a DJ, and of course when the music started, we started to jump up and down in time to it. Because, as teenagers, that is pretty much the only way we will dance at parties. Unless it is a rather intimate dance. But at a school ball, and with the tempo of most of the songs, that was not likely to happen. So, everybody was jumping around. And singing at the top of our voices. We did this for the entire night, unless the song was something like YMCA, tha cha cha slide or the Macarena. Because, let's face it, everybody knows actual dance moves to those songs. At some point during this, I went with a group of guys to have our photos taken, single ones and group ones. And behind the photo thing, there was food. After quickly grabbing some food, sticking some strawberrys and marshmellows onto a stick and putting them into a chocolate fountain, and grabbing a lollypop, we went back into the hall, grabbed a drink from outside, and continued with our random jumping and singing. After having done this for a few hours, we got rather warm, so some of the guys and I stepped out to cool down, and remembered that there was a casino in a different part of the school, just for that one night. So we went there, and played roulette and blackjack for a bit, until we decided that we would develop gambling problems if we stayed any longer. We went back into the hall, where a band had started to play. Cue random jumping and singing at the tops of our voices. At some points, the band gave up singing and just played the music, because we were singing the songs ourselves. Lets face it, if you play Livin' On A Prayer by Bon Jovi at a year 11 ball, everybody will know the words, the tune, the timings, and everything, so all you need to do is play in to background. This trend continued with most of the songs, us jumping up and down, singing, and the band just playing.

At the end of the night, balloons were relised from the ceiling, and everybody cheered and started hitting them around and popping them. The DJ came back on the play some more music, and we again started jumping up and down, singing. This was at nearly midnight. People started to leave just before midnight, and there was hugging, and handshakes and general goodbyes. I got a call from my dad at midnight saying he was ready to pick me up. I missed the call three times before I answered it. I could not hear my phone. I made my way outside, after having said goodbye to my friends who I was dancing with. I said goodbye to my friends who were outside, and promised that we would meet up at some point. At that point it really hit me. This is it. I had made it through the years. I realised that I would not see some of my friends again. Or, at least, not as much as I did. I hugged my friends, shook hands with them and walked off to find my dad.

Well, that is that. The end of an era. The end of year 11. It is quite emotional really. I have grown up with these people. I will be seeing most of them next year at sixth form, but the ones that I will not be, I will miss dearly.

Well, until my next blog dear readers, Adios!

Music

I am sort of continuing from my other blog on music. I really did this as a practise for my English GCSE, but it sounded so good, I thought I would share it with you. Enjoy.
There is a trend developing, and that is to just have people singing over a track which does not consist of any form of music, merely computerised drum and bass. And quite often, the singing is not even singing, just talking very quickly, or making your voice go up and down during words. What has happened to the world that I used to love living in? Where have the singers, the guitarists, the drummers and the people with actual talent gone? Why do people feel that someone using auto tune to sound like a robot is someone with singing talent? It makes no sense. People with real talent are being over looked because the consumer thinks that robotronic voices are "cool" and "hip". People who can sing should be celebrated, not thrown onto the rubbish pile with the people who have had their time. It is in fact, the people who steal the limelight from these talented people that deserve to be thrown onto the pile of rejected wannabes. I know many people who are talented, and who get over looked because of these rappers and auto tune using people. If you want to hear real music, and see real performers, then look at the people who do not get recognised. And when these people do get a break, their fan base is not nearly the size it should be. People with talent need to be seen as gifted, because they are. With so many talented people out there, we should have no trouble filling the charts with them, and ousting the people who use auto tune to make money. Talented people are underneath our very noses, all we have to do is wake up and smell the talent that they have. I have some advice for you, go online, see if any smaller, local bands are playing anywhere near you soon, and go along to it. You will then see just how talented people really are, and how they, unfortunately, get overlooked by this throw away culture. This is a throw away culture. The current music that is listened to is not built to last, and raw talent will last forever. It will be listened to for generations. And it will never be forgotten by the people who witnessed the beginning of the group. The current "stars", no one knows where they came from, they just appeared. With proper musical groups, they start of small, and grow and grow until the take over the world. This is what should happen. Not these throw away artists, we want properly talented people, who play proper music. The music that these people create will last forever, and will not blend into the background. As I said earlier, I still listen to older music, not only because it is good, but also because it is time less. As Bob Dylan once said "The times they are a changing", but they should change for the better, and not spiral downward into decay, which is happening with these auto tuned artists. Now, not all of you who read this article will agree with my views on the matter, but I hope that I have convinced at least a small minority of you into listening to proper music, with real people. Thank you for listening.

Hello again.

You didn't think I was just going to leave did you? I will be blogging for a while longer, so you'll have to put up with me for even longer. I don't know what I'll blog about, but I am sure I will find something to entertain you. So, until my next blog, adios. This is not for long dear readers.

Goodbye.

Basically, I am not going to be writing any more blogs ever again, because I am shit at saying things without hurting people. I am sorry to everybody who I have insulted, hurt, or otherwise generally been offensive to in these blogs. So, for now and forever, goodbye.

Worry and/or Stress

Everybody worries about things. Everybody gets stressed about things. I'm going to talk about that today. I say talk, I mean ramble and get off subject. Here we go:
There are many things that cause stress and worry. In an average teenagers life, the things that cause most stress are the dreaded exams, and worrying about what everyone thinks of them. Especially members if the opposite sex that they quite like. Of course, these are only two things that cause stress. There are an infinite number of things that can cause stress. Trouble at home, trouble at school, friends troubles, trouble with friends, falling out with friends, not being able to do something, etc. What I am trying to say is that almost everything causes some form stress and worry.
Different people deal with the stress in different ways. Some people keep it all bottled up inside, some people explode with emotion, some people break down, some people stay strong and keep going, some people keep doing the same things over and over until it is right. Everybody deals with it differently. I personally put my headphones in, turn up my music, and ignore what is going on around me. Then, I will log on to MSN or text someone, and talk it out with them. I often feel the need to do this, perhaps it is just part of being a teenager, perhaps it is just me. I do not think that it is only me though.
Occasionally, somebody will cause you unnecessary amounts of stress. I.e. When they send you a rather concerning text. My girlfriend almost did this to me the other day. She apparently was going to send me a text saying that she was pregnant. That would have been extremely concerning for me, because it would definitely not have been my baby. And my girlfriend would be pregnant. Fortunately, she did not send this text. If she had, I would have broken down. Quite literally. My brain would not have functioned for the rest of the day. Also, it was on April Fools day, so I would (hopefully) have realised that it was a joke. I would like to now confirm that my girlfriend is NOT pregnant.
Anyway, that did not really go with most of the rest of the blog. So, another thing that can cause stress is revision. Purely because it makes you think that you might not know the stuff you need to know. And if you do a lot of it, which I do, it gets on your nerves, which makes you stressy. Of course, someone will make a stupid comment about something trivial, and you will get annoyed about it. It is a cruel cycle of stress and things that cause stress.
This is going to be a shorter blog than usual, because I'm spending most of my time doing revision, and getting stressed. I will see you all later when I hopefully remember to write about my year 11 ball. Until then, adios mi amigos!